Shaq Joins Turner Sports: Call Him "The Big Analytical"

Anyone who has been clamoring to hear Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal trade jabs and comments about the NBA will soon have their wildest dreams granted.

Fresh off a retirement that concluded an unquestioned Hall of Fame career, Shaq has signed an agreement to join the Turner Sports team, including the studio show Inside the NBA. Shaq will fill the fourth chair alongside Barkley, Kenny Smith, and host Ernie Johnson, as well as provide content for NBA.com and occasionally show up on NBA TV.

Placing O'Neal, who's known for occasional verbal outbursts as an interview subject, alongside Barkley, who's never stopped his outbursts as an analyst, could lead to fantastic TV, some of the most entertaining sports coverage ever taped. It could also lead to a flaming trainwreck playing out in the nation's living rooms.

First off, let's remember that Chuck and Shaq once faced off in a memorable fight. All is forgiven now, but wait until someone gets the bright idea to have a re-enactment. A ball comes flying in from offcamera, clocks Shaq in the head, and it's on.

Eh, for that matter, that might be pretty entertaining, and the two of them would almost certainly play it for laughs now.

Okay, what about criticizing former colleagues? Well, Shaq has had his fun with comments about the likes of Greg Ostertag, or at least a Karl Malone dummy in Shaq's hands did ("Glad I'm playin' with a center, that Greg Ostertag was a bum."). And there was also his contentious relationship with the Sacramento "Queens."

So many rookie analysts, however, have difficulties criticizing former teammates. Well, maybe Shaq's already got that problem licked. (Okay, unfortunate choice of words. Right, Kobe?)

You know what? Never mind. It's time to get that new NBA labor deal done, so we can be assured of seeing Shaq and Chuck suited up for Opening Night as soon as possible.

David Stern, free The Big Analytical now.

 

Rank-a-Shaq: Where O'Neal Stands Among the All-Time Giants

If I went nuts and started piling up a Bill Simmons-esque “Pyramid” of my favorite NBA players ever, I’d probably catch grief because the big guys would catch hell. Maybe somebody else loves the big guys who can plant themselves on the block and dare the opposing stiff to stop him, and fair play to them. Personal preference and all that.

My kind of player veers more toward the skill-finesse type of game, the moves or shots that just make you either practice harder or throw up your hands and say “screw it, I quit.” Touting a player as one of the best of all-time simply because he hit the genetic lottery and ended up seven feet tall is kind of knee-jerk. Sure, Wilt Chamberlain could rack the kinds of stats that would make NBA Jam players climb to the next difficulty level, but how many really skilled bigs did he face night in and night out?

So, now that we’ve established that I’m more of a Jerry West/John Havlicek kind of guy than a Chamberlain/Russell sort, does it disqualify me from discussing the best centers of all time? Hope not, because that’s exactly what’s coming.

With Shaquille O’Neal’s retirement, there’s sure to be a rush of historical assessments coming, and some are sure to name Shaq as the best big man ever. I would ask those people to please put down the Kool-Aid. Again, personal preference.

Let’s get into which big men I do rate highly, and why. My Top 5 centers read thusly:

5. Wilt Chamberlain

Career Averages: 30.1 points, 22.9 rebounds, .540 FG%, .511 FT%, 2 NBA titles

Wilt’s numbers were always outrageous, but let’s not front: they should have been. The game had never seen a guy of Wilt’s size, stature, and skill level. There were other tall fellas, guys like the 6’11” Walt Bellamy or the 6’11” Nate Thurmond, but Wilt outweighed both of those guys by 50 pounds.

Watching Wilt play had to be like seeing a high school senior schooling a bunch of freshmen. Still, it wasn’t until he got guys like Hal Greer, Chet Walker, and Billy Cunningham around him, AND let them take some shots once in a while, that he was finally able to win a championship.

1965-66: Wilt 25.2 FGA/game, team goes 55-25, loses to Celtics in East Finals

1966-67: Wilt 14.2 FGA/game (4^th on team), team goes 68-13 and wins title

Those who want to eviscerate LeBron because he couldn’t carry Cleveland to a title need to remember Wilt. It took him a few years to prove that the game had passed one-man teams by.

4. Shaquille O’Neal

Career Averages: 23.7 points, 10.9 rebounds, 2.3 blocks, .582 FG%, .527 FT%, 4 NBA titles

Shaq gets up on Wilt because by the 1990’s, the NBA did have a few skilled big men for him to compete against. Shaq took on the likes of Ewing, Olajuwon, Mutombo, Mourning, Robinson, Duncan, and Howard, and though he still had a physical advantage on them, it wasn’t the straight mismatch that Wilt’s games seemed to be.

The sad part about both guys is simply imagining how many points they could have scored and how many more games they could have won if either man could have shot his free throws worth a damn. Wilt would have had another 2,246 points, about 2.1 per game, if he’d been a 70% free throw shooter. Shaq left 1,941 points on the table, or about 1.6 per game. Both men played a lot of games in their careers that could have swung on another two points.

I subscribe to this philosophy: when it got down to the end of a close game, Shaq and Wilt were liabilities. Until later in their careers, their teams couldn’t ignore them on offense, so opportunities to foul them were endless. When it’s a two-point game and you know it’s not likely a shooter’s making both free throws, why let them do anything with the ball?

It put a ton of pressure on their teammates to go get the offensive rebounds after the inevitable bricks. When over the period of your career, your limitations contributed to a great many losses and never got remedied, you have little claim to being the best anything of all time.

3. Bill Russell

Career Averages: 15.1 points, 22.5 rebounds, .440 FG%, .561 FT%, 11 NBA titles

Let’s get this out of the way now: if Shaq or Wilt could have shot freebies with any competence, they would leave Russell in the dust. The fact that a 215-pound man could be one of the game’s legendary centers underscores how thin the crop was in the ‘60s.

Russell could charitably be called mediocre offensively, and he was never the prime option for Boston. Of course, he never had to be. I think we could possibly fill an entire 12-man roster with Hall of Famers from those Celtics teams that won 11 championships in 13 years. Let’s try it:

Bill Sharman, Bob Cousy, Tom Heinsohn, Frank Ramsey, Sam Jones, K.C. Jones, Satch Sanders, Clyde Lovellette, John Havlicek, Bailey Howell…okay, that’s 10. But if we add in the Hall of Fame coaches John Thompson and Don Nelson, there’s our 12. When you’re surrounded by an entire wing of the Hall of Fame, it’s hard to give you much credit for winning 11 championships.

What Russell did do was dominate defensively, revolutionizing the art of shot-blocking. He got credit for using blocks as outlet passes, starting thousands of Celtics fast breaks. Contrast that with guys like Wilt and just about every center in the SportsCenter era (I’m looking at you, Dwight Howard), who would rather smack the ball into row five and glare at the opponent. “Never mind that you’ll get to score again, I just owned your ass and will enjoy it for these eight seconds. This proves that my testicles are of superior size to yours. And no one will remember if the game’s a one-point loss for us.”

Still, if we wanted to pick a modern-day player to compare to Russell, our closest bet might be Dennis Rodman. Great rebounder, great defensive player, won a lot of titles playing with better, more skilled players. I dare you to find someone better.

2. Hakeem Olajuwon

Career Averages: 21.8 points, 11.1 rebounds, 1.7 steals, 3.1 blocks, .512 FG%, .712 FT%, 2 NBA titles

This is the one that I expect to catch grief for. “Hakeem over Wilt and Russell, ARE YOU INSANE?” If that’s the definition, then yes, I guess I am. A few points in my favor:

Hakeem played against the same crop of big men that Shaq did, except replace guys like Howard with guys like Kareem. Trade up. Oh, and Hakeem outplayed Shaq in the 1995 Finals, despite being 10 years older, so there’s that, too.

Hakeem did everything well (block shots, rebound, pass, score) that Wilt did, but he had a bit more depth to his jump shot, and he could actually shoot free throws. He was winning rebound titles by a full two rebounds per game, in an era where shooting was better and no one man could possibly dominate the boards the way Chamberlain did.

Where Russell had a bunch of legends helping him win championships, Hakeem’s first championship was aided by the likes of Otis Thorpe, Vernon Maxwell, and Kenny Smith. That 1994 Rockets team was the closest thing we’ve had to a one-man championship since…hell, possibly since George Mikan.

If that’s not enough, why not let Michael Jordan tell you a little something about Hakeem?

“If I had to pick a center [for an all-time best team], I would take Olajuwon. That leaves out Shaq, Patrick Ewing. It leaves out Wilt Chamberlain. It leaves out a lot of people. And the reason I would take Olajuwon is very simple: he is so versatile because of what he can give you from that position. It's not just his scoring, not just his rebounding or not just his blocked shots. People don't realize he was in the top seven in steals. He always made great decisions on the court. For all facets of the game, I have to give it to him.”

Tell it, Mike.

1. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Career Averages: 24.6 points, 11.2 rebounds, 2.6 blocks, .559 FG%, .721 FT%, 6 NBA titles

Yes, Kareem had a lot of help winning his titles. Guys like Magic Johnson, Jamaal Wilkes, James Worthy, Mychal Thompson, and Byron Scott were big factors in five of his titles. Until the last two, though, Kareem was the biggest dog in the yard, a claim that couldn’t always be made about Russell.

Even on that first title, though, the one with the Milwaukee Bucks, the 24-year-old Lew Alcindor had the legendary Oscar Robertson and career 18-ppg man Bobby Dandridge deferring to him. It could never truly be said that Kareem “carried” his teams to a title, at least not the way Hakeem did, but he was the focus of his teams in a way Russell never was.

The statistical averages favor Wilt and Russell, but that disregards the fact that shooting percentages were hideous when they played. In fact, Wilt was the first player to finish a season over .500 from the floor. Russell’s best was .467. In an era where scoring was up because shooting was decent, Kareem didn’t have the chance to crunch 20-rebound games all the time, but he did rip almost 17 per game in his first year with the Lakers.

In the season where he turned 39, Kareem was still averaging 23.4 points per game. Wilt essentially stopped shooting at 34, and Russell retired at 35. No other player has been as dominant a force in the NBA for as many years.

Again, it goes back to what kind of game you prefer. I’d rather watch a skill and finesse game than see a pass into the low post and the center bulldozing his man with little more than a large ass. Hakeem and Kareem played a much more skillful game than guys like Wilt and Shaq, who could simply overwhelm everyone physically.

Shaq was essentially everything I don’t like in a player. Reliant on his size and strength more than any particular skill set. An unrepentant attention whore. A terrible rapper. But still, he made the court his domain for a lot of years, and deserves great respect for the way he performed.

Best of all time, though? Not hardly.

4 Quarters Radio: May 6 1st Quarter

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The first-quarter curriculum for May 6:
--All alone in the studio, Scott's free to lay into the NBA Playoffs. He ponders why one of his former co-hosts has suddenly gotten drunk on a little bit of success and why Boston fans are so low on hope that they're excited for a walking glacier to return to the lineup.
--Bobby calls up for a little UFC discussion, happy over the success of his picks (4-1) at UFC 130. Steven Seagal's bid to return to solid bad-ass cred also comes up.

Featured music: "Never As Good As the First Time" by Sade. Stick around at the end for a brief snippet of the track, and help the show out by purchasing the full download if you like it.

4 Quarters Radio: March 25 4th Quarter

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The fourth-quarter curriculum for March 25:
--Medal Stand makes its triumphant return, as Los Guys ponder their favorites for NBA MVP. One host votes for the Bad Guy, and only one gives a medal to defense and rebounding. Derrick Rose's season also gets put into a proper historical perspective.
--The fellas ponder the East's top and bottom 3, wondering if the Celtics have enough gas to stay in second and if the Knicks can even hold off challengers for the #7 spot.
--Scott asks the guys which older players they might miss if the NBA goes into a lockout and forces players into retirement.
--In the Epic Fails, Mack wonders why the legal system humors idiots who sue teams over lockouts. Guess where Logan goes. Scott brings up a bullpen catcher who doubles as a clubhouse garbage disposal/stunt dummy. Mack is strangely only revolted by who the guy takes abuse from, not the abuse that he willingly takes. Go fig.

Excised music: "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic.

Artest's Big Move: Was It the Best Move?

It's a long way from being the NBA's face of evil incarnate.

After a few quiet, though unsuccessful, seasons in Sacramento, Ron Artest's image as a citizen was mostly rehabilitated.

After a shockingly successful playoff run in Houston, the last several games of which featured him as the Rockets' primary (some would say only) offensive option, Artest's career was positively rejuvenated.

Coming into the offseason, Artest was being named as one of the most important free agents in this year's class, and all the championship contenders and potential-laden pretenders saw him as an essential piece to their puzzle.

It was reported that Artest had had dinner with LeBron James just a few days before agreeing contract terms with the Los Angeles Lakers. Rather than try to assist LeBron (and that new large dancing fella the Cavs picked up on draft day...not the one from the Congo, either) in setting up that Nike's-wet-dream of a Finals matchup against Kobe Bryant's Lakers, Ron decided he'd rather be somewhere where they'd been to the mountaintop before.

LeBron's own wishy-washy treatment of his future may be the biggest deterrent to the big-name free agents that Cleveland's trying to court. No one wants to be stuck in Cleveland with next to no help should LeBron decide that he wants to see how bright the lights really are on Broadway.

If he goes, Shaq is sure to follow, and then what?

Artest has served his time in a hollowed-out wreck of a team who used to be relevant. It's highly unlikely that he'd be interested in doing it again based on someone else's whim.

But, what if the King had been able to make a convincing pitch? What would the Cavs look like with Artest in the lineup?

The same way the Orlando Magic were able to stretch the Cavs around the perimeter and pick apart their previously formidable defense, that's exactly the way that the Cavs would have been able to pull their opponents all over the court.

A backcourt of Mo Williams and Delonte West. Artest at small forward. LeBron being guarded (and I use that term loosely) by power forwards. Shaq in the middle with Zydrunas Ilgauskas coming in to spell him.

A lineup like that could have been the unit that the Magic's '08-'09 lineup wanted to be when it grew up. Opposing defenses would have been getting carpet-bombed into submission.

Unfortunately, without Sideshow Bob Varejao, interior depth would have been a rumor, with the likes of Darnell Jackson and J.J. Hickson having to grow up quickly.

In the suddenly-resurgent Eastern Conference, however, what team could really take that much advantage?

The Magic have taken away the height mismatches that helped propel them past Cleveland by letting Hedo Turkoglu walk and replacing him with the less-vertically-imposing Vince Carter, the kind of scorer that Artest relishes the chance to shut down. Additionally, their depth took a hammering in that deal, with Rafer Alston and Courtney Lee both being large parts of their playoff run.

Boston appears to be trying a page from Orlando's playbook in adding Rasheed Wallace, who has the height and range to make a conventional power forward move around much more than he'd like. However, having him guarded by (and more importantly, forcing him to guard) the freakishly athletic LeBron while Artest dueled with Paul Pierce would be a recipe for either a very compelling series or a Cavalier blowout.

Chicago? Detroit? Miami? Atlanta? Not the way any of them stand right now, thanks.

The Lakers' acquisition of Artest has been compared to the Bulls picking up Dennis Rodman, and the comparison is actually pretty apt. Kobe gets to play Michael Jordan, the hyper-competitive superstar who won't let any foolishness get in the way of him getting another title. Pau Gasol gets to play Scottie Pippen, the rhythm guitarist who can play some mean solos himself. Artest's longtime friend Lamar Odom gets to play Toni Kukoc, albeit a Kukoc with a serious tan and an even more serious substance abuse problem. And Phil Jackson gets to play...well, himself. That's how you know you've really made it.

It's not unreasonable to compare these Lakers to those Bulls teams in terms of the rest of the cast, either. The Bulls never had a big-time point guard, and neither do these Lakers. The Bulls had yeoman work from big stiffs like Luc Longley, Bill Wennington, and a bunch of other uncoordinated white boys. The Lakers have a highly talented big man with youth and potential on his side...along with lots of bedsores from his frequent injuries on his backside. Andrew Bynum's flashes and fragility sort of cancel out the steady mediocrity of the Bulls' interchangeable crew.

Ron Artest traded in a highly uncertain future in a potentially Yao-less Houston for a chance to join a star-studded ensemble in Los Angeles, and in the process, may have made the Lakers the prohibitive favorite to get back to the Finals.

But in Cleveland?

The trio of LeBron, LeRon and LeShaq could have gone all fo' fo' fo' on the East and stood snarling in the way of Kobe's repeat.

And David Stern and Phil Knight would have absolutely melted with orgasmic glee.