4 Quarters Radio: February 15

The first-period curriculum for February 15:
--Scott chatted with MTSU baseball coach Steve Peterson a couple of days before the season began. They touched on new pitchers and where the coach expected the team's power hitting to come from.
--Scott also asked the coach how much he believes in specialization among college baseball relief pitchers.
--MTSU alumni like Brett Carroll, Bryce Brentz and Will Skinner are scattered throughout the professional ranks, and Coach Pete discussed how those players have been keeping in touch with the program.

1st Intermission: "Okie From Muskogee" by Merle Haggard.

The second-quarter curriculum:
--Still all alone in the studio, Scott took time to compare the reactions to the drug problems of entertainers like Whitney Houston and those of athletes like Lawrence Taylor or Len Bias.
--In Whodaman, Scott paid respect to a Wizards fan who was ready to catch an ass-whipping from LeBron James. He also gave a shout to a listener who threw the official 4QR salute at a Middle Tennessee basketball game. Tweet your pics of you holding up four fingers to @4QuartersRadio and you'll always get a shout out.

Halftime Show: "Air" by Talking Heads.

The third-quarter curriculum:
--Scott discussed the onset of Linsanity, especially pondering the commentary from boxing champ Floyd Mayweather. El Prof was surprisingly sympathetic to Money May's point of view, which is not to say he agreed.
--Also, a brief history lesson on the first Asian-American player in pro basketball history (no, it wasn't Lin).

3rd Intermission: "Let's Roll" by Yelawolf feat. Kid Rock.

The fourth-quarter curriculum:
--Scott spoke with MTSU women's basketball coach Rick Insell as the season began to wind down. Topics included the surprising production from the Lady Raider backcourt, the shot selection of gunner Kortni Jones, and expectations that he harbors for his recruits.
--Coach Insell also waxed lyrical about his lone senior, Molly McFadden, on the eve of her honors at Senior Day.
--In the Epic Fails, Scott took the Chinese and Taiwanese governments to task for having nothing more important to do than fight over who claims Jeremy Lin's heritage. Also, he laid into Colts owner Jim Irsay for trying to play public relations chicken with Peyton Manning.

Postgame Show: "I Don't Need Your Rockin' Chair" by George Jones.

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Should "The King" Become "The Wizard?" (Or, Why Gregg Doyel Can Suck It)

The headline does not suggest that LeBron James should be traded to Washington. Far from it. He’s fit in nicely in his current role with the Miami Heat. Rather, the question is an onomastic one, the study of names themselves.

“The King” connotes something majestic, something regal, kind of like…I dunno… “His Airness.” “The Wizard” suggests a person who can make something out of nothing, turn chaos into beauty, a name that conjures thoughts of… “Magic.” I’ll explain later, but first to the moronic drivel that inspires me today.

CBS Sports columnist Gregg Doyel (I’m not linking here because you’ve probably already seen it, plus Doyel’s a goof and doesn’t deserve the hits) decided to drop the hammer on LeBron for “shrinking” in these NBA Finals, particularly in Game 3. LeBron’s offending stat line? 17 points, nine assists.

Doyel made fun of LeBron’s admirably direct answer to his (I’ll admit) admirably direct question, the one where LeBron (correctly, it would seem) called out Doyel for ignoring the game and simply staring at stats.  LeBron’s defense on Jason Terry has reduced the Dallas Mavericks to a one-man team, albeit a team with one man who can nearly win games himself. That apparently means nothing to Doyel.

(Does anyone else remember when “Doyyyyyyy” was interchangeable with “Duhhhhhh”? In this case, it still should be.)

That defense apparently means something to Dirk Nowitzki (the aforementioned one man), who’s begging his coach and teammates to get Terry open so he can get some help. But, Doyyyyyy-el obviously knows what’s happening here better than the guy that’s on the court.

LeBron’s ninth assist was a bullet to a wide-open Chris Bosh, who stuck what turned out to be the winning basket. It’s the kind of play that’s made by a man who’s looking to make good players (Bosh) great and great players (Finals MVP-in-waiting Dwyane Wade) legends. Players like… Magic Johnson.

Doyyyyyy-el, like most other fans who only casually observe the game, wanted LeBron to be the new Jordan. Stay his whole career (at least until he was too old to dominate) with one team and win titles that way. Oh, and score 30 points per game to the exclusion of all else every night. He’s left the team that drafted him while still in his prime, and now he dares to focus on setting up others and shutting down opponents’ gunners in the NBA Finals. The nerve of some people, eh?

The way he’s conducted his career doesn’t resemble the way Magic Johnson conducted his, either, but his game, build, and skills have resembled Magic since day one. That’s the Hall of Famer I’ve wanted LeBron to model himself after since the beginning. His size, speed, and ballhandling abilities make him an absolutely unstoppable playmaker and facilitator when he’s got someone to set up.

The worst games the Miami Heat have had this season have been when Wade and James play tug-of-war with control of the ship. Game 2 of these Finals was a night where Dwyane Wade couldn’t miss, but who started heaving up ill-advised shots late in the game? Yes, LeBron. He tried to be Jordan and didn’t quite measure up.

If Erik Spoelstra broke him of that and let him know that his passing and defense would be more helpful than trying to score 30, Spo may deserve more credit than I, or anyone else, has been willing to give him since nWo South Beach tried to burn the arena down with July’s glorified pep rally.

Doyyyyyy-el denigrates the importance of people who can play defense, saying, “James played the defensive-stopper card. That's why he's out there, you know. For his defense. He's not a latter-day Michael Jordan. He's a latter-day Dudley Bradley.” Uh, yeah, because Dudley Bradley went for 17 and nine in the Finals exactly… oh, wait, he never played in the Finals. Barely played in the regular season, for that matter.

If 17 points and nine assists in the Finals are the numbers of a “shrinking” superstar, then what to make of Magic? He went for 17 or fewer points with nine or more assists 18 times in his Finals career.

Mr. Doyyyyyy-el, care to try and make a case that Magic Johnson and his five rings wilted in the Finals? Shrank from the spotlight? Disappeared in the clutch? Go ahead and try it. Let’s see what happens then.

Last May, I wrote that if LeBron wanted to win a championship, he HAD to go to South Beach and play in Dwyane Wade’s house. He did, and now look where he finds himself: two wins from that elusive championship.

I’m far from a LeBron apologist, in case you’re wondering. The Decision frosted my cookies just as much as anyone else’s, because it was a complete puss-out on LeBron’s part not to shoot straight with the Cavs. Still, this turn of events isn’t the end of civilization as we know it, and those who think it is kind of need to get over themselves.

The Heat’s early-season struggles and their few stumbles in the playoffs have been when these two alpha dogs both wanted to pull the sled themselves. When LeBron remembers that he has an uncanny ability to elevate others, the sledding seems to be so much smoother. If the Mo-Heat-os keep playing the way they are right now, LeBron could, and should, have himself a “magical” moment on which a legacy can be built.

Call him "Merlin" James.

 

4 Quarters Radio: April 8 2nd Quarter

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The second-quarter curriculum for April 8:
--NBA Players' Association head Billy Hunter and Commissioner David Stern stop by to give their respective sides in their looming labor dispute. David Stern's place among great dictators in history is also discussed.
--The twin lockouts, NBA and NFL, get compared to see which league will have a longer work stoppage.
--The Basketball Hall of Fame class got announced, and Scott quizzes Logan to see how many the casual fan recognizes. Spoiler: not many. Scott, for his part, has made peace with Dennis Rodman's enshrinement, but there is another candidate who got in at the expense of someone more deserving.
--Bobby and Mack wander in late and get their chance to weigh in on the dueling lockouts.
--In Whodaman, Bobby gives props to a vilified NBA star who is diversifying his portfolio. Logan gives it to a 10-year-old who made an NFL legend happy, and Scott offers respect to EA Sports for its teaching techniques.

Excised music: "Dig a Little Deeper" by Peter, Bjorn and John.

4 Quarters Radio: March 25 4th Quarter

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The fourth-quarter curriculum for March 25:
--Medal Stand makes its triumphant return, as Los Guys ponder their favorites for NBA MVP. One host votes for the Bad Guy, and only one gives a medal to defense and rebounding. Derrick Rose's season also gets put into a proper historical perspective.
--The fellas ponder the East's top and bottom 3, wondering if the Celtics have enough gas to stay in second and if the Knicks can even hold off challengers for the #7 spot.
--Scott asks the guys which older players they might miss if the NBA goes into a lockout and forces players into retirement.
--In the Epic Fails, Mack wonders why the legal system humors idiots who sue teams over lockouts. Guess where Logan goes. Scott brings up a bullpen catcher who doubles as a clubhouse garbage disposal/stunt dummy. Mack is strangely only revolted by who the guy takes abuse from, not the abuse that he willingly takes. Go fig.

Excised music: "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic.

4 Quarters Radio: February 4 2nd Quarter

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The second-quarter curriculum for February 4:
--In the absence of a call-in guest, the guys decide to check out what's shaking in Vegas. Some goofy prop bets get spotlighted, including whether or not Fergie would come out in a thong for halftime and the odds that Christina Aguilera would pull a "Janet" during the national anthem, of all things.
--One of the most consistent predictors of Super Bowl victories weighs in, and the odds do not look good for the Prof.
--In Whodaman, Bobby gives props to the team that's set to dominate the NBA All-Star Game. Drew tries to slide in both a Whodaman AND Epic Fail, while Logan gets excited about his Vols on a streak.

Excised music: "One Night One Kiss" by The Russian Futurists.

4 Quarters Radio: January 21 4th Quarter

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The fourth-quarter curriculum for January 21:
--After a few minutes of pointless screwing around, Scott and Bobby finally get to some NBA discussion, namechecking the teams that are surprising and disappointing them in the first half of the season. They also cover midseason MVP's and concede that the Rookie of the Year award is already decided.
--In the Epic Fails, Bobby advocates protective gear, while Logan rubs salt in the wound of a guy who hasn't played all year anyway. Scott tells one player to get over himself and another one to keep it in his pants while outdoors.

Excised music: "Pull Up to the Bumper" by Grace Jones.

The NBA: Where Rivalries (Used To) Happen

LeBronageddon has come and gone. A Cleveland fan base that had spurred the Cavaliers to a surprising second place in NBA attendance has to feel like they’ve been sold out yet again. This time, though, instead of a player taking his talents to South Beach, the fans got the shaft from the players who’ll keep flaunting a lack of talent on the shore of Lake Erie.

               

I grew up a child of the 1980’s, cutting my basketball teeth on the NBA Finals battles between the Lakers and Celtics. Magic Johnson and Larry Bird shared a perceptible mutual respect, but each would rather set the other on fire than crack jokes or discuss what club they were headed to after the game. For that matter, the two teams didn’t get along all that well on the whole.

As an Indiana kid in the 1990’s, I was able to enjoy the long-bombing, swashbuckling, trash-talking style of Reggie Miller. Anyone who was watching basketball in 1994, or anyone who’s watched ESPN’s entire “30 for 30” series, has seen how much Reggie was able to tick off the entire city of New York. Miller talked noise so the rest of the Indiana Pacers could do their jobs in peace.

That brings me to Thursday night. The fans were heated up, ready to welcome LeBron with barely bridled rage and hostility. Security was heightened in fear of anyone making a move on the court after having too much liquid courage and not enough brains.

And as for the players? Anderson Varejao walked up and gave LeBron a pre-game hug. At that moment, the Miami Heat clinched victory.

For all the countless hype about their mediocre start to the NBA season and their ridiculously top-heavy roster, the Miami Heat still have a lot more talent than the Cleveland Cavaliers. The only hope for the Cavs to win that game was to establish a psychological edge, especially over LeBron.

Freeze him out during pre-game introductions. Leave him hanging if he goes for a high five or a handshake. Hammer him McHale-style when he drives to the basket. Do anything but shake his hand, hug him, and make him feel at home.

When he feels at home, he does things like score 24 points in a quarter and 38 for the game. The Cleveland players knew that, since they’d borne witness to it plenty of times over the years. They chose instead to laugh, slap fives, and do everything but pose for the pregame air pictures, just like the old days of...seven months ago.

The Cavs needed LeBron to shoot something like 2-for-17 from the floor. To do that, they needed to rattle him and remind him that Quicken Loans Arena is no longer his comfort zone. They did none of that, therefore they never had much chance to win.

NBA Commissioner David Stern won’t want to read this, but here goes. Reason number 311 that the NBA is losing visibility is that the rivalries are gone. Lakers/Celtics, Pistons/Bulls, Pacers/Knicks: those were the reasons the NBA got hot to begin with in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Now, free agency and salary-dumping trades mean that everyone will play with everyone else at some point, so there’s little to gain from on-court hostility.

Miami/Cleveland had a little potential to be the next huge basketball battle, but the players chose instead to embrace the enemy. Winning a game is your job, and the opponent’s goal is to stop you from doing said job. Varejao embracing LeBron was like a guy sending flowers to a girl who stole his wallet after a one-night stand. The fans were ready to be angry, but the players sold them out again.

Consolation for Cleveland fans: there’s always the Indians and Browns. (Wait...does Akron hate them by now, too?)

4 Quarters Radio: December 2 3rd Quarter

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The third-quarter curriculum for December 2:
--LeBronageddon 2010 gets examined, with both Scott and Bobby harboring great expectations. (Never mind that the Cavs decided to remind everyone how badly they suck.) The game gets compared to a NASCAR race, in fact, and Scott shares some of the proposed chants that were planned.
--The Lakers' four-game losing streak gets analyzed, and the fellas wonder if Memphis and Indiana are actually legit, or if it's just the Lakers sleepwalking.
--Andre Johnson's highly respectable punch stats would have won him a match on Fight Night, but it didn't help him much in a football game. The lack of suspensions for him and Cortland Finnegan get examined, with Scott even comparing Finnegan to a particular breed of dog.

Excised music: "So Cool" by Chrisette Michele.

4 Quarters Radio: October 21 4th Quarter

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The fourth-quarter curriculum for October 21:
--The NBA's season is about to kick off, and apparently the Association's on the lookout for performance-enhancing...shoes.
--LeBron finally grows a pair and starts calling out specific people for their alleged "race" comments, even if it is just some scrubs on Twitter. Plus, the comparison between LeBron and Hulk Hogan.
--Big weeks for both Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow, and the guys analyze who's got more big weeks ahead.
--The post-Moss Patriots go under the microscope, and what seems like a ridiculous question gets a serious analysis.
--Someone had a little fun with A.J. Smith's Wikipedia page, and Scott has a little fun talking about it.
--Bobby's annoyed at a fighter for costing him a point in the Wing Wager, so he gives the ultimate penalty: an Epic Fail. Dylan doesn't get why Dunta Robinson got fined for knocking himself out, and Scott shakes his head at another Colts "liquored-up idiot kicker."
--Finally, June Cleaver speaking jive one last time.

Excised music: "Poison" by Martina Topley Bird.

4 Quarters Radio: August 9 3rd Period

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The third-period curriculum for August 9:
--Bobby gets free rein to gloat about his 4-1 start in the Great UFC Wing Wager. He's bummed about Big Country, chuckling over Chael Sonnen, and wondering what happened between Matt Hughes and the old folks' home.
--Speculation on what "Tebow Knows," a theory on what LeBron's ad for the Cleveland fans would have looked like, and wondering exactly what kind of videos Isiah Thomas has on James Dolan follow.
--In the Epic Fails, Bobby goes...pretty much exactly where we all knew he would. For his part, Scott breaks out his second old-school baseball reference of the day (nowhere near as old-school as the first, though).
--Excised music: "God on the Drums, Devil on the Bass" by Katie Melua.

4 Quarters Radio July 12

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Solo as usual on the July 12 edition of 4QR, Scott weighs in on the 800-pound gorilla in the Miami Heat locker room, wondering how long it's going to be before Chris Bosh realizes that he's a very highly-paid caddy. Another NBA free agent signee could turn out to cripple his franchise, and he also gets called out. Also, the prospect of three 20-point-per-game scorers gets exposed for the fool's gold that it is. In the second, it's time to give some midseason shoutouts to MLB's best, plus Scott doesn't bother to contain his glee that the Spankees didn't get their grubby paws on Cliff Lee (yet). In the third, Bobby calls in to marvel at Brock Lesnar and join in a truly epic series of Epic Fails. Plus, what's the street value of a World Cup made of cocaine? Excised music: "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League, "One More Minute" by Weird Al Yankovic, and "F*** It (I Don't Want You Back)" by Eamon.

Cleveland Seether: Cavs Get the "Business" End

First thing's first: LeBron James made himself bigger than the league with his University of Phoenix infomercial. Michael Jordan dealt in press conferences, and when he really wanted to get some tongues wagging, a fax. Cloaking sports history's most shameless self-promotion to date in the altruistic robes of charity is simply polishing a billboard-size turd of narcissism.

That said, Dan Gilbert needs to get over himself. The only differences between Miami poaching LeBron and Cleveland trying everything possible to poach Chris Bosh are that Bosh was blatantly obvious about his desire to get the hell out of Canada and that the Raptors were bound to get something for their pain. (Surely, Anderson Varejao's hot Brazilian blood would have greatly enjoyed Toronto in the winter.) Congrats, Danny, you've now scared the ever-loving shit out of every potential free agent/draft pick that may ever end up there, as nobody wants to feel like they're running for the door before the owner starts shooting.

All this bitching and moaning from Gilbert makes him look every bit the enabler, since ever since the day he bought the franchise, he's the one who's been green-lighting every move that's given LeBron this big a hammer in the first place. No one's said no to this guy since he was in about seventh grade, and you're surprised that he's not terribly concerned about your bottom line and your team's well-being? You dug this grave, don't begrudge someone else for throwing dirt on you.

Cleveland fans have fallen into the same trap that every small/medium market fanbase has since the advent of "big/small market" distinctions: they convince themselves that their athletes are theirs, they own their athletes, and they demand unconditional devotion from their athletes, even when those same fans reserve every right to boo and slam an athlete when his effort flags. When he leaves, you'd swear he'd bombed the Federal Building on the way out of town.

It's time for the city of Cleveland to get over themselves, as well. It's business. Always has been, always will be. Take it personal and decry the evil athlete all you want, just remember that no one's really listening.

What I'm more interested in, far more than how this new hydra in Miami will keep its three monstrous heads from eating each other, is what the Cavaliers decide to do from here. Frankly, the fans need to be glad that Chris Grant is in charge of the process instead of Danny Ferry, and let's examine why.

June 27, 2005: Danny Ferry hired as GM
August 2, 2005: Signed Larry Hughes to 5-year deal for more than $60M
--Hughes was coming off a 22-PPG season in Washington, and it was expected he'd be LeBron's caddy. In two-and-a-half seasons, however, he averaged 14.3, and his career's never really recovered.
December 5, 2007: Matched 3-year, $17M offer sheet for Anderson Varejao, including player option for 2009-10
--File this away for later.
February 21, 2008: Acquired Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, Joe Smith, and Delonte West in three-team trade
--This deal waved the white flag on the Hughes and Drew Gooden era, bringing in a 33-year-old offensive albatross, a one-dimensional shooter, a guy who Seattle (20-62 that season, mind you) mysteriously gave up on after only half a season, and a former number-one overall pick who even then was standing on highway overpasses with a sign saying, "Will warm bench for food."
August 13, 2008: Acquired Mo Williams in three-team trade
--The Cavs only gave up Joe Smith and Damon Jones, so that part of the price was right, especially for a point guard who'd averaged 17 points and six assists for Milwaukee the prior two seasons. Unfortunately, Mo was only one year into a six-year, $51.5M contract.
June 25, 2009: Acquired Shaquille O'Neal in trade with Phoenix
--So, you've got a young, athletic, up-tempo team that you think may be on the threshold of a title, but you've got an aging, undersized albatross of a center. What to do? Oooh, how about trading him for an outrageously oversized albatross of a center who's two-and-a-half years older and has just gotten done weighing down the offense of another athletic, up-tempo team? Fair for all sides, sure. It simply reeked of two teams making a move for the sake of saying they were making a move.
July 9, 2009: Re-signed Anderson Varejao to six-year, $50M contract
--Eight points, seven rebounds, and 61 percent from the foul line apparently earned you $8.5M per year in Cleveland. Considering the Cavs were adamant about turning down a host of trade offers for J.J. Hickson (who had extremely similar numbers per 36 minutes), wouldn't it have made sense to remove the main obstacle from his path to the floor? The only way this deal would have made sense would be if every man, woman, and child in the greater Cleveland area bought Sideshow Varejao wigs to pay for it.
July 23, 2009: Christian Eyenga signs three-year contract with DKV Joventut of the Spanish League
--Who? Oh, yeah, their 2009 first-round draft pick. Sure, you had the last pick of the first round, number 30 overall. But if you're drafting a guy with absolutely no intention of seeing him come to camp that season, why not make a trade? Guys like DeJuan Blair, Jonas Jerebko, and Sam Young turned out to be fine picks in the second. San Antonio's won multiple titles not just because of the lottery luck that brought them David Robinson and Tim Duncan, but because they also don't punt the late picks. Blair slid to them at 37, Manu Ginobili was the next-to-last pick in 1999, and Tony Parker was the last pick of the first round in 2001. Cleveland hasn't even taken the draft seriously these last two seasons, and at least this year, they were smart enough just to not show up.

Cleveland fans, do you want a sign of optimism? Ferry's gone.

Unfortunately, the stink of some of these deals will linger on for a while.

Your team's got about $9M in cap room, but unfortunately, all the guys worth that kind of scratch are spoken for already. Asking you to get excited about the prospect of a J.J. Redick (a possible Wally 2.0), a Josh Howard (who's completely misunderstood all the talk these days about "going green"), or a Brad Miller (one of my Purdue boys, but he's kind of long in the tooth these days hisownself) is actually sort of insulting.

Still, LeBron has to react to his surroundings, and honestly, his surroundings aren't all that attractive. You wanna blame somebody? Blame the deals that came before and handcuffed your team's payroll. If this team looked good enough to stay with, maybe he might have done so.

These were LeBron's options: 1) playing with two Olympians and going to one of America's primo women-in-thongs destinations whenever he saw fit; and 2) playing with a guy in a fright wig and another who (allegedly) banged his mom in one of America's primo women-in-parkas destinations.

Tell me you'd make a different decision, and I'll call you a liar.

This isn't The Shot...



or The Drive...



or The Fumble...



...where the sports gods tempted you with thoughts of glory and then cruelly dashed your dreams. This was a business decision. A poorly played business decision that wipes excrement all over the decision-maker's "brand," but a business decision nonetheless.

4 Quarters Radio June 28

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On the June 28 edition of 4QR, Scott's mostly solo, except for Joseph coming off the bench late in the first, like a good sixth man. Scott ponders whether all the "new soccer fans" really have any clue what they're in for, then gets into MLB, especially the Rays and Christburg. Scott and Joseph trade comments about the NBA Draft, then Scott gets into the most disliked people in sports (thankfully, he's not on the list). Excised music: "LeBron to Chicago" by Dayeezy, "C'mon LeBron" by the Ben and Skin Show, and "I Am the Man" by Jadakiss, Nipsey Hussle, and a bunch of other guys.

4 Quarters Radio June 7: 1st Half

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On this edition of 4QR, Scott (and eventually Trent and Joseph) starts off discussing the first two games of the NBA Finals, including why Phil Jackson is starting to annoy The Professor to no end and what kind of role Ron Artest should have in the Lakers' offense. Also, some speculation on whether the President may, despite his claims, be involved in steering LeBron to Chicago. In the 2nd quarter, Bobby calls in and joins the fellas as they rank six NFL QB's on their chances to win a Super Bowl and talk about whether they'd freeze their sensitives off to watch a Super Bowl in Jersey. In Whodaman, some inspirational quotes from a departed legend. Excised music: "Dirty Mind" by Prince and "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man" by Prince.

4 Quarters Radio May 17: 1st Half

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4Q's summer debut is a lonely place, as Scott spends 90 minutes by himself after signing off with Joseph, who calls in from Memphis to talk NBA Conference Finals. They discuss who they pick in each series, then move on to LeBronapalooza, handicapping where they think LeBron should go. Soloing in Q2, Scott gets in rants on John Calipari screwing with the NBA (again), whether Mike Brown and Mike Woodson should and should have gotten fired. He finishes up with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's opinion that the NBA needs to raise the entry age to 21. Let's just say that great minds think alike. Whodaman is kind of old news, but it's only the 19th time something has happened in 120 years, so it deserves props. Excised music: "As We Enter" by Nas & Damian Marley and "Girl You're Nice and Clean" by Buddy Guy.

LeBron's Lament: Does the King Need to Stand By Someone Else's Throne?

What's the difference between LeBron James and Ken Griffey Jr.?

Junior has the decency to go back to the clubhouse to catch himself a nap (allegedly). LeBron was seen several times during last night's Eastern Conference Semifinal Game 5 standing off by himself near the three-point line, totally uninvolved in what was happening with his team's offense or defense.

When he tried to involve himself, it was usually by way of a 20-foot jumpshot rather than trying to assert himself at the rim.

Is he injured, distracted, or overwhelmed? Any of the three are understandable.

His elbow's probably painful, he's got the entire future of the NBA clinging to his summer travel itinerary, and he's got all the questions coming his way for whatever failures occur with the Cavaliers. And he appears to be getting tired of the questions.

The elbow will heal, his decision will come and go, but if he stays in Cleveland, he'll still have all the questions.  There's only one place he can go to escape some of them.

Contrary to everyone's expectations that LeBron and Dwyane Wade are destined to ride off into the sunset on twin bullet trains to New York, that won't get either of them where they want to be.

If LeBron's getting annoyed with the tone of the questions he's getting in his hometown, what the hell does he think is going to happen in New York? The Post, Times, and News will all line up to take whacks at him just as enthusiastically as New York Magazine is trying to woo him right now. He'll be the three-swings-for-a-quarter derelict car that every writer will be smashing with a verbal sledgehammer.

No one will feel sorry for a guy whose nickname is "The King" and whose interest in becoming that rarest of animals, the billionaire athlete, is well-known. Nike won't be able to save him from the press in New York.

But Miami? Miami is D-Wade's town. So why would LeBron go there?

Precisely for that reason. It's D-Wade's town. D-Wade will get a great deal of the questions when things go wrong, much like Michael Jordan shouldered most of the burden in Chicago. Anywhere else, even including D-Wade's hometown of Chicago, it's still LeBron and Wade, in that order.

Most of the free agency speculation about this summer has focused on LeBron going somewhere with a guy like Wade or Chris Bosh who can be Robin to his Batman, Pippen to his Jordan, Baba-Looey to his Quick Draw McGraw. Now, if he's tired of having all the disappointment and vitriol laid at his feet, maybe LeBron's more open to being the Pippen to Dwyane Wade's Jordan.

James has said often that a championship is the ultimate motivation. With as little energy as he showed in Game 5, it certainly seems that he's doubting his current team's championship potential. What he needs is a player who's strapped a team to his back and knows what it takes to get a ring. A player with the killer mentality to dominate a game singlehandedly, and still do it on the biggest stage of all. Right now, there are only two such players in the NBA.

One is Kobe Bryant. No, LeBron's not going to be a Laker.

The other is Dwyane Wade, who's had firsthand experience of carrying a team to the top of the mountain, practically by himself.

As good as LeBron is, we've got to go back to 1994 to find a team that was able to win the NBA Championship without two or more players who could be considered "stars." Even then, it's not unfair to say that Hakeem Olajuwon's Rockets won because they were in that trough while Michael Jordan was hitting pop-ups in Birmingham, and they were winning the Finals over an equally one-man Knicks team. So, him winning a championship with the likes of Mo "This Guy Was an All-Star? Srsly?" Williams, Antawn "Wait, There's a Second Round?" Jamison and Shaquille "Twitter Gives Me Another Excuse To Not Practice Free Throws" O'Neal may have been recklessly optimistic.

All of this is predicated on the thought that "The King" is no longer comfortable with the accountability that fans and media demand in return for his claim to the throne. His words after Game 5 sound like those of a man who wants to let someone else carry the load for a while.

He knows where he can find somebody who knows how.

4 Quarters Radio April 13 1st Half

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The first half of the April 13 episode starts off with the final days of the NBA season. Scott, Joseph, and Bobby talk about the exclusive club that Tyreke Evans has joined, as well as the one that LeBron James is trying to start. The question "Why Don Nelson?" is discussed, and an emergency siren test sires a potential new segment called State of Emergency. In the 2nd, Ben Roethlisberger's potential suspension, his former receiver's new home, and overrated draft prospects highlight the NFL discussion. Plus, a young goalscoring ace and a UFC upset figure in the Whodaman? segment. Excised music: "Please Don't" by David Byrne & Fatboy Slim feat. Santigold and "When You Come Around" by Geist.

Artest's Big Move: Was It the Best Move?

It's a long way from being the NBA's face of evil incarnate.

After a few quiet, though unsuccessful, seasons in Sacramento, Ron Artest's image as a citizen was mostly rehabilitated.

After a shockingly successful playoff run in Houston, the last several games of which featured him as the Rockets' primary (some would say only) offensive option, Artest's career was positively rejuvenated.

Coming into the offseason, Artest was being named as one of the most important free agents in this year's class, and all the championship contenders and potential-laden pretenders saw him as an essential piece to their puzzle.

It was reported that Artest had had dinner with LeBron James just a few days before agreeing contract terms with the Los Angeles Lakers. Rather than try to assist LeBron (and that new large dancing fella the Cavs picked up on draft day...not the one from the Congo, either) in setting up that Nike's-wet-dream of a Finals matchup against Kobe Bryant's Lakers, Ron decided he'd rather be somewhere where they'd been to the mountaintop before.

LeBron's own wishy-washy treatment of his future may be the biggest deterrent to the big-name free agents that Cleveland's trying to court. No one wants to be stuck in Cleveland with next to no help should LeBron decide that he wants to see how bright the lights really are on Broadway.

If he goes, Shaq is sure to follow, and then what?

Artest has served his time in a hollowed-out wreck of a team who used to be relevant. It's highly unlikely that he'd be interested in doing it again based on someone else's whim.

But, what if the King had been able to make a convincing pitch? What would the Cavs look like with Artest in the lineup?

The same way the Orlando Magic were able to stretch the Cavs around the perimeter and pick apart their previously formidable defense, that's exactly the way that the Cavs would have been able to pull their opponents all over the court.

A backcourt of Mo Williams and Delonte West. Artest at small forward. LeBron being guarded (and I use that term loosely) by power forwards. Shaq in the middle with Zydrunas Ilgauskas coming in to spell him.

A lineup like that could have been the unit that the Magic's '08-'09 lineup wanted to be when it grew up. Opposing defenses would have been getting carpet-bombed into submission.

Unfortunately, without Sideshow Bob Varejao, interior depth would have been a rumor, with the likes of Darnell Jackson and J.J. Hickson having to grow up quickly.

In the suddenly-resurgent Eastern Conference, however, what team could really take that much advantage?

The Magic have taken away the height mismatches that helped propel them past Cleveland by letting Hedo Turkoglu walk and replacing him with the less-vertically-imposing Vince Carter, the kind of scorer that Artest relishes the chance to shut down. Additionally, their depth took a hammering in that deal, with Rafer Alston and Courtney Lee both being large parts of their playoff run.

Boston appears to be trying a page from Orlando's playbook in adding Rasheed Wallace, who has the height and range to make a conventional power forward move around much more than he'd like. However, having him guarded by (and more importantly, forcing him to guard) the freakishly athletic LeBron while Artest dueled with Paul Pierce would be a recipe for either a very compelling series or a Cavalier blowout.

Chicago? Detroit? Miami? Atlanta? Not the way any of them stand right now, thanks.

The Lakers' acquisition of Artest has been compared to the Bulls picking up Dennis Rodman, and the comparison is actually pretty apt. Kobe gets to play Michael Jordan, the hyper-competitive superstar who won't let any foolishness get in the way of him getting another title. Pau Gasol gets to play Scottie Pippen, the rhythm guitarist who can play some mean solos himself. Artest's longtime friend Lamar Odom gets to play Toni Kukoc, albeit a Kukoc with a serious tan and an even more serious substance abuse problem. And Phil Jackson gets to play...well, himself. That's how you know you've really made it.

It's not unreasonable to compare these Lakers to those Bulls teams in terms of the rest of the cast, either. The Bulls never had a big-time point guard, and neither do these Lakers. The Bulls had yeoman work from big stiffs like Luc Longley, Bill Wennington, and a bunch of other uncoordinated white boys. The Lakers have a highly talented big man with youth and potential on his side...along with lots of bedsores from his frequent injuries on his backside. Andrew Bynum's flashes and fragility sort of cancel out the steady mediocrity of the Bulls' interchangeable crew.

Ron Artest traded in a highly uncertain future in a potentially Yao-less Houston for a chance to join a star-studded ensemble in Los Angeles, and in the process, may have made the Lakers the prohibitive favorite to get back to the Finals.

But in Cleveland?

The trio of LeBron, LeRon and LeShaq could have gone all fo' fo' fo' on the East and stood snarling in the way of Kobe's repeat.

And David Stern and Phil Knight would have absolutely melted with orgasmic glee.

Amazing Keeps Happening

What's amazing is that Stan Van Jeremy, the man who has allegedly accomplished nothing as a coach aside from being drummed out on his ear by Pat Riley, is now four wins away from the Larry O'Brien Trophy. Never mind the .639 winning percentage, which places him above the likes of Jerry Sloan, Rick Adelman, and George Karl...and even three points higher than his former boss, Captain Brylcreem himself. But God love him, he's that rare beast among today's athletes and coaches who can't quite bring himself to take himself too seriously.

What's amazing is that the guy who's been immortalized in puppet form and karate-kicked a cartoon after dunking on it hasn't learned that lesson yet. About the only reason the NBA fanbase has yet to reach total LeBron overload is the fact that the man himself is a walking, dribbling highlight film who may just show us something new every time he steps on the court. Watching LeBron James play basketball is like anything else that makes you feel really good...after a while, you need more and more to get the same effect. LBJ has to make bigger shots, flashier dunks, and showier passes every game, otherwise people will stop being distracted by his obviously transcendent talent long enough to realize that they've become heartily sick of seeing him everywhere. Oh, and winning a championship needs to get on the menu somewhere, too. More on that once we hit the offseason.

What's amazing is that these Finals will feature the biggest junkie in the NBA. Seriously, Lamar Odom has a true problem. He admits to going through "four or five bags a day" of Hershey's White Chocolate Cookies and Cream minis. And he still has a pearly white smile. Considering he plays in a town where just about everyone has some feature that makes you go, "Yeah, THOSE are fake," I really have to wonder about whether Lamar's keeping a secret pair of dentures from us. And in honor of Lamar...take me home, Christina.

Next time...why in the blue hell is anyone surprised about Derrick Rose?

Peace and be wild.

Frustration Guaranteed

Mo Williams needs to buy LeBron James a new Escalade. Or a Hayabusa motorcycle. Or a private jet. Whatever, as long as it's something very large and something very expensive, because LeBron just postponed Mo looking like yet another in a long parade of dumb athletes who make "guarantees" that their opponents won't let them cash.

Granted, Mo did his part for the first time in the Eastern Conference Finals, throwing in 24 himself and, for once, only needing 14 shots to do it, but LBJ drained 17 by himself in the fourth, rolled up his fourth playoff trip-dub, plus he forced Dwight Howard's disqualification. Mo, for his part, is a big reason the Cavs won 66 games this year, but in this Orlando series, he's been the anchor around LeBron's neck. 23 of 71 shooting, with 6 of 27 from deep, coming into Game 5. Maybe I missed something, but when did Mo Williams turn into Allen Iverson?

As far as the guarantee goes, it's not quite as boneheaded as Anthony Smith pouring gasoline all over himself and handing Tom Brady a book of matches, but coming from a guy who hadn't hit water from the deck of a cruise ship for the past week, it still seemed somewhat rash. It's also Mo's first rodeo in this arena, and hopefully he's smart enough to make it his last, unlike serial prognosticator/Orlando assistant coach Patrick Ewing, who just got bailed out by his team last round writing checks that someone else's ass had to cash.

In a sure sign that most former college athletes only pretend to go to class, so many guys aren't smart enough to realize that making these guarantees is a complete no-win situation. Ever since Joe Willie sat poolside in his swim trunks and laughed off being an 18-point underdog from an "inferior" league going into the biggest football game in history to that point, it's been ruined for everyone else. Star player making the boast, not some scrub role player? Check. Big game which was worth making a bold statement about? Check. Laughably big point spread making prediction all the bolder? Check. Team going out and backing player's mouth up? Check. We forget that Matt Snell did all the work in Super Bowl III because Namath shooting his mouth off is THE iconic moment in Super Bowl history. It got him the Super Bowl MVP award, scored him some hot tail, and even got him into Canton...because Lord knows he didn't have the stats for it. But after that...who can compare? The only recent occurrence that might have been able to approach Joe is if Eli Manning had gone out and guaranteed that he'd torch the Patriots, then gone out and done it with a five-TD game.

Eventually, the Kevin Smiths or Anthony Smiths of the world will realize that there is very little upside to these guarantees and one of two things will happen. 1) They'll stop making them (not likely); or 2) They'll start putting their money where their mouth is (as likely as Susan Boyle appearing in Playboy...dear God, let's hope that's unlikely). It's sad for all these macho athletes that a women's basketball player is a bigger man than any of them. (Quiet, you.) By all accounts, Courtney Paris is still looking to give back her scholarship money for Oklahoma's Final Four loss even if, at a WNBA rookie's salary, it will take her longer to repay than it would take your average Starbucks manager.

Granted, no sports guarantees carry quite the same weight as, say, Kaiser Wilhelm or my personal favorite, John Sedgwick. (#5 on the linked list, in case you're the tl;dr type.) We're not changing world history here...anymore. Because, let's face it, Joe made this shit cool. Problem is, making it cool means every schmuck out there is gonna wanna do it. But without Joe's sense of occasion, it's about like wearing a tuxedo to a rodeo...99% of the time, you just look stupid.