Wednesday, November 4, 2009

You Can't Spell "Man Up" Without Manu

Yes, boys and girls, that is Manu Ginobili swatting a bat out of mid-air on Halloween night. Yeah, doesn't seem like a coincidence to me, either. More on that momentarily. While others were undoubtedly practicing their "EEEEK"s and diving under seats, Manu simply said, "Hey, we got a game to play here," and took the matter into his own hand.

This morning on 104.5 The Zone in Nashville, Mark Howard seemed like he was reprimanding Manu for taking down a helpless, defenseless little bat. While I'd expect it from a card-carrying member of everyone's favorite domestic terrorist organization (hint: their acronym could just as easily stand for Pushy, Egotistical, Terroristic Assholes), hearing it from a card-carrying member of the sporting media was a bit disappointing.

Aren't we usually of the mindset that "the game must go on"? Why stand around and allow a game to be held hostage by some jackhole who decided that letting a bat loose at a basketball game on Halloween would get a few laughs? And yes, I'm fully convinced someone smuggled the poor creature in. No way it's a coincidence that a bat invades a game on Halloween night. All arenas hosting Easter games need to be on the lookout for canaries. While we're at it, why not check people for turtle doves...or French hens...or calling birds...or geese a-laying...or swans a-swimming on Christmas? They should be easy to spot, as it's pretty hard to hide seven swans on one's person.

Unless it's in San Antonio, since the Spurs' arena security staff is obviously riddled with EPIKPHAIL.

PETA's response to the "Bat-Manu" incident, which you can read by clicking the above link, tells us that "bats always try to avoid contact with humans." So, isn't a person bringing a bat into the arena (most likely under a jacket) doing more to torture its fragile little psyche than a guy trying to defend himself? We don't know what kinds of diseases the bat might be carrying. So swatting it out of the air before the arena staff comes with a net to REALLY antagonize it might have been the best course of action.

When people start chasing after me with a net (I call it Tuesday), I get tempted to fight back. And so it may have been with the bat. If the bat had bitten someone and given them rabies, I'm sure PETA would still be objecting to its destruction...since, after all, they're the only ones allowed to play God with the animal kingdom.

And speaking of rabies, Manu's going through shots as a result of his daring swipe. From all accounts that I've ever heard, rabies shots are a whole metric ton of not fun. It takes a real man to voluntarily put himself in that kind of situation for the potential well-being of others, and by God, Manu Ginobili clanks when he walks, if you catch my drift.

Besides, the usher to whom Manu handed the beast claims that it did, in fact, fly away once outside. If the bat's not dead, and the game got played, and Manu's smiling through the pain of his shots...then I guess all that's left to say is this:

PETA can officially kiss my ass.

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