Wednesday, July 28, 2010

4 Quarters Radio July 26

On the July 26 episode of 4QR, Scott shares some preseason props from the national media toward Middle Tennessee State. Then, he slides into wondering why it's the biggest football schools who seem to get the most innocent, impressionable football players, while lesser schools are capable of treating their players like men and teaching them about agents. Well, except for the guy at Grambling. (Hint: the word "pimp" comes up quite a bit here.)

In the second, the focus shifts to baseball. Hall of Fame inductions are discussed, and then Scott tees off on Alex Rodriguez's upcoming 600th home run. The Professor's suddenly-shaky pick of the Tigers to win the AL Central gets notice in the wake of their injury epidemic.

Bobby calls in for the third, and they talk a bit about Chris Paul and his trade demands, complete with guest appearance by the original Veruca Salt herself. Keith Bulluck's new deal with the Giants, the Tour de France's asinine code of "racing etiquette," and discussion of which stadium food vendors are filthy deathtraps fill a hefty variety platter, along with the traditional Epic Fails.

Excised music: "We Are One" by 12 Stones, "Centerfield" by John Fogerty, "They Don't Want" by Electric Wire Hustle, and "15 to 20" by the Phenomenal Handclap Band.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bye-Bye, Mr. Shaving Cream Pie

This is not a picture of the shaving cream pie that landed reigning NL Rookie of the Year Chris Coghlan on the disabled list, but if you've seen one guy with white goo all over his face, you've seen them all.

The baseball season is somewhere around the 100-game mark right now, and Coghlan is the second guy this season to grievously injure himself celebrating a win. The problem with that is that the entire season is 162 games long.

Translation: we're only just now getting to the games that will decide anything. Game 51 of 162 is pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but that was the one in which Kendry Morales broke his leg.

Now, we're at the trade deadline, and the Angels have been searching high and low to find a bat to replace Morales. Unfortunately, the prices for Prince Fielder and Adam Dunn have been way too expensive, so they had to try to improve the pitching staff instead by getting Dan Haren.

Not coincidentally, the Halos now trail Texas by 7 1/2 games, and have even fallen percentage points behind Oakland.

Is it unfair to blame Morales for the Angels' current difficulties? Nope.

It's a game in May. You just hit a walk-off granny. Bully for you. Now, just round the bases, STEP on home plate, not STOMP on home plate, and all of your teammates need to act like you've been there before. Get over yourselves.

I'm all for guys having fun, celebrating, et cetera. But dogpiles at the plate are asinine unless you just pulled a win that aids your playoff hopes in September...

...or means you get to hoist that.

As annoying as dogpiles can be, shaving cream pies may be even worse. They're now apparently done after every game, and when they're done to a cagey veteran like Wes Helms, they can easily go awry.

Helms was prepared, he ducked, Coghlan had to swing the pie again, and there went his knee.

Manager Edwin Rodriguez has banned the custom now, and there's about 29 other fellows who need to follow suit. Teams lose enough important players to legitimate in-game injuries, they shouldn't be terribly keen on the idea of losing them to acting like complete idiots, celebrating a meaningless game with months left to go in the season.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Jimmy Kimmel Calls Ron Artest an Idiot

Well, okay, not in so many words.

Below is a video of Dwyane Wade appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live. I'm not the world's biggest Ron Artest fan, but Ron-Ron doesn't deserve the heater that Kimmel launches at him at the 3:00 mark.

Of course, Ron knew the Lakers won the championship, because he spent the next month obnoxiously bigging up his own psychic abilities for writing a single called "Champions." The guy's goofy, not stupid.

Now, if you'd told me that Adam Morrison still doesn't know the team won a championship, that I'd believe. At this point, he's forgotten what one's even supposed to do with a basketball.

Monday, July 19, 2010

4 Quarters Radio July 19

On July 19's episode of 4QR, Scott shares a few thoughts on the passing of George Steinbrenner, also weighing in on his place in history. (Hint: SportsNation is populated with morons.) A history lesson is presented in which the listener gets reminded just who guys like Lamar Hunt, Charlie O. Finley, and Bill Veeck are. Also, someone gets described as "Charlie O. Finley with tits." So there's that. In the second, Scott's predictions on MLB's second half and playoff picture can be clipped and saved for future reference. MTSU's recent crop of MLB draftees get reviewed, as do QB Dwight Dasher's Bad MF credentials. In the third, Bobby calls up for a belated Whodaman and a rousing NBA Offseason edition of Medal Stand. They briefly touch on NBA and NFL labor issues before moving on to something much less depressing, the once-again-crowded Epic Fails. This week, an athlete, a team, and an ENTIRE LEAGUE get spit-roasted. Then Bobby calls out Bob Sapp and says that he could kick Sapp's ass. You think we're kidding. Excised music: "Tell Me Why" by M.I.A., "Recipe for Disaster" by Morcheeba, and "Weird Beard" by the Mad Caddies.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

4 Quarters Radio July 12

Solo as usual on the July 12 edition of 4QR, Scott weighs in on the 800-pound gorilla in the Miami Heat locker room, wondering how long it's going to be before Chris Bosh realizes that he's a very highly-paid caddy. Another NBA free agent signee could turn out to cripple his franchise, and he also gets called out. Also, the prospect of three 20-point-per-game scorers gets exposed for the fool's gold that it is. In the second, it's time to give some midseason shoutouts to MLB's best, plus Scott doesn't bother to contain his glee that the Spankees didn't get their grubby paws on Cliff Lee (yet). In the third, Bobby calls in to marvel at Brock Lesnar and join in a truly epic series of Epic Fails. Plus, what's the street value of a World Cup made of cocaine? Excised music: "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League, "One More Minute" by Weird Al Yankovic, and "F*** It (I Don't Want You Back)" by Eamon.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Cleveland Seether: Cavs Get the "Business" End

First thing's first: LeBron James made himself bigger than the league with his University of Phoenix infomercial. Michael Jordan dealt in press conferences, and when he really wanted to get some tongues wagging, a fax. Cloaking sports history's most shameless self-promotion to date in the altruistic robes of charity is simply polishing a billboard-size turd of narcissism.

That said, Dan Gilbert needs to get over himself. The only differences between Miami poaching LeBron and Cleveland trying everything possible to poach Chris Bosh are that Bosh was blatantly obvious about his desire to get the hell out of Canada and that the Raptors were bound to get something for their pain. (Surely, Anderson Varejao's hot Brazilian blood would have greatly enjoyed Toronto in the winter.) Congrats, Danny, you've now scared the ever-loving shit out of every potential free agent/draft pick that may ever end up there, as nobody wants to feel like they're running for the door before the owner starts shooting.

All this bitching and moaning from Gilbert makes him look every bit the enabler, since ever since the day he bought the franchise, he's the one who's been green-lighting every move that's given LeBron this big a hammer in the first place. No one's said no to this guy since he was in about seventh grade, and you're surprised that he's not terribly concerned about your bottom line and your team's well-being? You dug this grave, don't begrudge someone else for throwing dirt on you.

Cleveland fans have fallen into the same trap that every small/medium market fanbase has since the advent of "big/small market" distinctions: they convince themselves that their athletes are theirs, they own their athletes, and they demand unconditional devotion from their athletes, even when those same fans reserve every right to boo and slam an athlete when his effort flags. When he leaves, you'd swear he'd bombed the Federal Building on the way out of town.

It's time for the city of Cleveland to get over themselves, as well. It's business. Always has been, always will be. Take it personal and decry the evil athlete all you want, just remember that no one's really listening.

What I'm more interested in, far more than how this new hydra in Miami will keep its three monstrous heads from eating each other, is what the Cavaliers decide to do from here. Frankly, the fans need to be glad that Chris Grant is in charge of the process instead of Danny Ferry, and let's examine why.

June 27, 2005: Danny Ferry hired as GM
August 2, 2005: Signed Larry Hughes to 5-year deal for more than $60M
--Hughes was coming off a 22-PPG season in Washington, and it was expected he'd be LeBron's caddy. In two-and-a-half seasons, however, he averaged 14.3, and his career's never really recovered.
December 5, 2007: Matched 3-year, $17M offer sheet for Anderson Varejao, including player option for 2009-10
--File this away for later.
February 21, 2008: Acquired Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, Joe Smith, and Delonte West in three-team trade
--This deal waved the white flag on the Hughes and Drew Gooden era, bringing in a 33-year-old offensive albatross, a one-dimensional shooter, a guy who Seattle (20-62 that season, mind you) mysteriously gave up on after only half a season, and a former number-one overall pick who even then was standing on highway overpasses with a sign saying, "Will warm bench for food."
August 13, 2008: Acquired Mo Williams in three-team trade
--The Cavs only gave up Joe Smith and Damon Jones, so that part of the price was right, especially for a point guard who'd averaged 17 points and six assists for Milwaukee the prior two seasons. Unfortunately, Mo was only one year into a six-year, $51.5M contract.
June 25, 2009: Acquired Shaquille O'Neal in trade with Phoenix
--So, you've got a young, athletic, up-tempo team that you think may be on the threshold of a title, but you've got an aging, undersized albatross of a center. What to do? Oooh, how about trading him for an outrageously oversized albatross of a center who's two-and-a-half years older and has just gotten done weighing down the offense of another athletic, up-tempo team? Fair for all sides, sure. It simply reeked of two teams making a move for the sake of saying they were making a move.
July 9, 2009: Re-signed Anderson Varejao to six-year, $50M contract
--Eight points, seven rebounds, and 61 percent from the foul line apparently earned you $8.5M per year in Cleveland. Considering the Cavs were adamant about turning down a host of trade offers for J.J. Hickson (who had extremely similar numbers per 36 minutes), wouldn't it have made sense to remove the main obstacle from his path to the floor? The only way this deal would have made sense would be if every man, woman, and child in the greater Cleveland area bought Sideshow Varejao wigs to pay for it.
July 23, 2009: Christian Eyenga signs three-year contract with DKV Joventut of the Spanish League
--Who? Oh, yeah, their 2009 first-round draft pick. Sure, you had the last pick of the first round, number 30 overall. But if you're drafting a guy with absolutely no intention of seeing him come to camp that season, why not make a trade? Guys like DeJuan Blair, Jonas Jerebko, and Sam Young turned out to be fine picks in the second. San Antonio's won multiple titles not just because of the lottery luck that brought them David Robinson and Tim Duncan, but because they also don't punt the late picks. Blair slid to them at 37, Manu Ginobili was the next-to-last pick in 1999, and Tony Parker was the last pick of the first round in 2001. Cleveland hasn't even taken the draft seriously these last two seasons, and at least this year, they were smart enough just to not show up.

Cleveland fans, do you want a sign of optimism? Ferry's gone.

Unfortunately, the stink of some of these deals will linger on for a while.

Your team's got about $9M in cap room, but unfortunately, all the guys worth that kind of scratch are spoken for already. Asking you to get excited about the prospect of a J.J. Redick (a possible Wally 2.0), a Josh Howard (who's completely misunderstood all the talk these days about "going green"), or a Brad Miller (one of my Purdue boys, but he's kind of long in the tooth these days hisownself) is actually sort of insulting.

Still, LeBron has to react to his surroundings, and honestly, his surroundings aren't all that attractive. You wanna blame somebody? Blame the deals that came before and handcuffed your team's payroll. If this team looked good enough to stay with, maybe he might have done so.

These were LeBron's options: 1) playing with two Olympians and going to one of America's primo women-in-thongs destinations whenever he saw fit; and 2) playing with a guy in a fright wig and another who (allegedly) banged his mom in one of America's primo women-in-parkas destinations.

Tell me you'd make a different decision, and I'll call you a liar.

This isn't The Shot...

or The Drive...

or The Fumble...

...where the sports gods tempted you with thoughts of glory and then cruelly dashed your dreams. This was a business decision. A poorly played business decision that wipes excrement all over the decision-maker's "brand," but a business decision nonetheless.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

4 Quarters Radio June 28

On the June 28 edition of 4QR, Scott's mostly solo, except for Joseph coming off the bench late in the first, like a good sixth man. Scott ponders whether all the "new soccer fans" really have any clue what they're in for, then gets into MLB, especially the Rays and Christburg. Scott and Joseph trade comments about the NBA Draft, then Scott gets into the most disliked people in sports (thankfully, he's not on the list). Excised music: "LeBron to Chicago" by Dayeezy, "C'mon LeBron" by the Ben and Skin Show, and "I Am the Man" by Jadakiss, Nipsey Hussle, and a bunch of other guys.