Should "The King" Become "The Wizard?" (Or, Why Gregg Doyel Can Suck It)

The headline does not suggest that LeBron James should be traded to Washington. Far from it. He’s fit in nicely in his current role with the Miami Heat. Rather, the question is an onomastic one, the study of names themselves.

“The King” connotes something majestic, something regal, kind of like…I dunno… “His Airness.” “The Wizard” suggests a person who can make something out of nothing, turn chaos into beauty, a name that conjures thoughts of… “Magic.” I’ll explain later, but first to the moronic drivel that inspires me today.

CBS Sports columnist Gregg Doyel (I’m not linking here because you’ve probably already seen it, plus Doyel’s a goof and doesn’t deserve the hits) decided to drop the hammer on LeBron for “shrinking” in these NBA Finals, particularly in Game 3. LeBron’s offending stat line? 17 points, nine assists.

Doyel made fun of LeBron’s admirably direct answer to his (I’ll admit) admirably direct question, the one where LeBron (correctly, it would seem) called out Doyel for ignoring the game and simply staring at stats.  LeBron’s defense on Jason Terry has reduced the Dallas Mavericks to a one-man team, albeit a team with one man who can nearly win games himself. That apparently means nothing to Doyel.

(Does anyone else remember when “Doyyyyyyy” was interchangeable with “Duhhhhhh”? In this case, it still should be.)

That defense apparently means something to Dirk Nowitzki (the aforementioned one man), who’s begging his coach and teammates to get Terry open so he can get some help. But, Doyyyyyy-el obviously knows what’s happening here better than the guy that’s on the court.

LeBron’s ninth assist was a bullet to a wide-open Chris Bosh, who stuck what turned out to be the winning basket. It’s the kind of play that’s made by a man who’s looking to make good players (Bosh) great and great players (Finals MVP-in-waiting Dwyane Wade) legends. Players like… Magic Johnson.

Doyyyyyy-el, like most other fans who only casually observe the game, wanted LeBron to be the new Jordan. Stay his whole career (at least until he was too old to dominate) with one team and win titles that way. Oh, and score 30 points per game to the exclusion of all else every night. He’s left the team that drafted him while still in his prime, and now he dares to focus on setting up others and shutting down opponents’ gunners in the NBA Finals. The nerve of some people, eh?

The way he’s conducted his career doesn’t resemble the way Magic Johnson conducted his, either, but his game, build, and skills have resembled Magic since day one. That’s the Hall of Famer I’ve wanted LeBron to model himself after since the beginning. His size, speed, and ballhandling abilities make him an absolutely unstoppable playmaker and facilitator when he’s got someone to set up.

The worst games the Miami Heat have had this season have been when Wade and James play tug-of-war with control of the ship. Game 2 of these Finals was a night where Dwyane Wade couldn’t miss, but who started heaving up ill-advised shots late in the game? Yes, LeBron. He tried to be Jordan and didn’t quite measure up.

If Erik Spoelstra broke him of that and let him know that his passing and defense would be more helpful than trying to score 30, Spo may deserve more credit than I, or anyone else, has been willing to give him since nWo South Beach tried to burn the arena down with July’s glorified pep rally.

Doyyyyyy-el denigrates the importance of people who can play defense, saying, “James played the defensive-stopper card. That's why he's out there, you know. For his defense. He's not a latter-day Michael Jordan. He's a latter-day Dudley Bradley.” Uh, yeah, because Dudley Bradley went for 17 and nine in the Finals exactly… oh, wait, he never played in the Finals. Barely played in the regular season, for that matter.

If 17 points and nine assists in the Finals are the numbers of a “shrinking” superstar, then what to make of Magic? He went for 17 or fewer points with nine or more assists 18 times in his Finals career.

Mr. Doyyyyyy-el, care to try and make a case that Magic Johnson and his five rings wilted in the Finals? Shrank from the spotlight? Disappeared in the clutch? Go ahead and try it. Let’s see what happens then.

Last May, I wrote that if LeBron wanted to win a championship, he HAD to go to South Beach and play in Dwyane Wade’s house. He did, and now look where he finds himself: two wins from that elusive championship.

I’m far from a LeBron apologist, in case you’re wondering. The Decision frosted my cookies just as much as anyone else’s, because it was a complete puss-out on LeBron’s part not to shoot straight with the Cavs. Still, this turn of events isn’t the end of civilization as we know it, and those who think it is kind of need to get over themselves.

The Heat’s early-season struggles and their few stumbles in the playoffs have been when these two alpha dogs both wanted to pull the sled themselves. When LeBron remembers that he has an uncanny ability to elevate others, the sledding seems to be so much smoother. If the Mo-Heat-os keep playing the way they are right now, LeBron could, and should, have himself a “magical” moment on which a legacy can be built.

Call him "Merlin" James.

 

4 Quarters Radio: March 25 4th Quarter

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The fourth-quarter curriculum for March 25:
--Medal Stand makes its triumphant return, as Los Guys ponder their favorites for NBA MVP. One host votes for the Bad Guy, and only one gives a medal to defense and rebounding. Derrick Rose's season also gets put into a proper historical perspective.
--The fellas ponder the East's top and bottom 3, wondering if the Celtics have enough gas to stay in second and if the Knicks can even hold off challengers for the #7 spot.
--Scott asks the guys which older players they might miss if the NBA goes into a lockout and forces players into retirement.
--In the Epic Fails, Mack wonders why the legal system humors idiots who sue teams over lockouts. Guess where Logan goes. Scott brings up a bullpen catcher who doubles as a clubhouse garbage disposal/stunt dummy. Mack is strangely only revolted by who the guy takes abuse from, not the abuse that he willingly takes. Go fig.

Excised music: "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic.

4 Quarters Radio: March 11 4th Quarter

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The fourth-quarter curriculum for March 11:
--CBS Sports basketball blogger Matt Norlander checks in with 4QR from the Big East Tournament. He begins by waxing rhapsodic about Kemba Walker's buzzer-beater and the Big East's final four. He's not so keen, however, on Kemba's chances of strapping the Huskies to his back and driving them to Houston.
--Matt was in the arena for Refgate, and gives his perspective of when and how the story really exploded.
--Matt has a rough time picking a potential upset victim among projected top-four regional seeds, but he finally comes up with a compelling answer.
--Duke v. UNC: who's more likely to make the Final Four? Matt provides an answer to that one, as well.
--Matt throws out rationale for why Wisconsin may be as dangerous as anyone in America.
--The words "show cause" and "Bruce Pearl" get mentioned in the same sentence, undoubtedly dismaying Logan, wherever he may be.
--In the Epic Fails, the Miami Heat once again get a great deal of attention. Drew wonders what his favorite NFL player is thinking about with his offseason plans. Scott notes that the NCAA's justice is highly selective, and also that some guys need to learn when time is up.

Excised music: "This is Why We Fight" by The Decemberists.

The NBA: Where Rivalries (Used To) Happen

LeBronageddon has come and gone. A Cleveland fan base that had spurred the Cavaliers to a surprising second place in NBA attendance has to feel like they’ve been sold out yet again. This time, though, instead of a player taking his talents to South Beach, the fans got the shaft from the players who’ll keep flaunting a lack of talent on the shore of Lake Erie.

               

I grew up a child of the 1980’s, cutting my basketball teeth on the NBA Finals battles between the Lakers and Celtics. Magic Johnson and Larry Bird shared a perceptible mutual respect, but each would rather set the other on fire than crack jokes or discuss what club they were headed to after the game. For that matter, the two teams didn’t get along all that well on the whole.

As an Indiana kid in the 1990’s, I was able to enjoy the long-bombing, swashbuckling, trash-talking style of Reggie Miller. Anyone who was watching basketball in 1994, or anyone who’s watched ESPN’s entire “30 for 30” series, has seen how much Reggie was able to tick off the entire city of New York. Miller talked noise so the rest of the Indiana Pacers could do their jobs in peace.

That brings me to Thursday night. The fans were heated up, ready to welcome LeBron with barely bridled rage and hostility. Security was heightened in fear of anyone making a move on the court after having too much liquid courage and not enough brains.

And as for the players? Anderson Varejao walked up and gave LeBron a pre-game hug. At that moment, the Miami Heat clinched victory.

For all the countless hype about their mediocre start to the NBA season and their ridiculously top-heavy roster, the Miami Heat still have a lot more talent than the Cleveland Cavaliers. The only hope for the Cavs to win that game was to establish a psychological edge, especially over LeBron.

Freeze him out during pre-game introductions. Leave him hanging if he goes for a high five or a handshake. Hammer him McHale-style when he drives to the basket. Do anything but shake his hand, hug him, and make him feel at home.

When he feels at home, he does things like score 24 points in a quarter and 38 for the game. The Cleveland players knew that, since they’d borne witness to it plenty of times over the years. They chose instead to laugh, slap fives, and do everything but pose for the pregame air pictures, just like the old days of...seven months ago.

The Cavs needed LeBron to shoot something like 2-for-17 from the floor. To do that, they needed to rattle him and remind him that Quicken Loans Arena is no longer his comfort zone. They did none of that, therefore they never had much chance to win.

NBA Commissioner David Stern won’t want to read this, but here goes. Reason number 311 that the NBA is losing visibility is that the rivalries are gone. Lakers/Celtics, Pistons/Bulls, Pacers/Knicks: those were the reasons the NBA got hot to begin with in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Now, free agency and salary-dumping trades mean that everyone will play with everyone else at some point, so there’s little to gain from on-court hostility.

Miami/Cleveland had a little potential to be the next huge basketball battle, but the players chose instead to embrace the enemy. Winning a game is your job, and the opponent’s goal is to stop you from doing said job. Varejao embracing LeBron was like a guy sending flowers to a girl who stole his wallet after a one-night stand. The fans were ready to be angry, but the players sold them out again.

Consolation for Cleveland fans: there’s always the Indians and Browns. (Wait...does Akron hate them by now, too?)

4 Quarters Radio: December 2 3rd Quarter

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The third-quarter curriculum for December 2:
--LeBronageddon 2010 gets examined, with both Scott and Bobby harboring great expectations. (Never mind that the Cavs decided to remind everyone how badly they suck.) The game gets compared to a NASCAR race, in fact, and Scott shares some of the proposed chants that were planned.
--The Lakers' four-game losing streak gets analyzed, and the fellas wonder if Memphis and Indiana are actually legit, or if it's just the Lakers sleepwalking.
--Andre Johnson's highly respectable punch stats would have won him a match on Fight Night, but it didn't help him much in a football game. The lack of suspensions for him and Cortland Finnegan get examined, with Scott even comparing Finnegan to a particular breed of dog.

Excised music: "So Cool" by Chrisette Michele.

4 Quarters Radio: October 28 3rd Quarter

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The third-quarter curriculum for October 28:
--Scott bemoans baseball not vacating the stage in a timely manner, but still has his choice for the World Series winner.
--Post-World Series, will Cliff Lee's wife want any part of New York? For an extra $50 million, why not?
--Bobby's in a hurry to explain his first losing effort at a UFC pay-per-view, even if some of the picks surprised everyone. Bobby admires Brock's fancy dancing, while Scott ponders if perhaps his pro wrestling days may have contributed to the Grand Canyon that opened on his face.
--The full-strength crew (Scott, Bobby, Logan, and Dylan) take a look at the debut of nWo Miami and decide if anyone should slit their wrists just yet.
(Hint: someone says yes, and if you listened a few weeks ago, you can guess who.)
--Los Guys make their NBA Finals predictions, and three of them stay in lockstep.
--Steve Nash's predictions are weighed, and the guys decide if they like the honesty or dislike the pessimism.

Excised music: "Ride" by Prefab Sprout.

4 Quarters Radio July 12

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Solo as usual on the July 12 edition of 4QR, Scott weighs in on the 800-pound gorilla in the Miami Heat locker room, wondering how long it's going to be before Chris Bosh realizes that he's a very highly-paid caddy. Another NBA free agent signee could turn out to cripple his franchise, and he also gets called out. Also, the prospect of three 20-point-per-game scorers gets exposed for the fool's gold that it is. In the second, it's time to give some midseason shoutouts to MLB's best, plus Scott doesn't bother to contain his glee that the Spankees didn't get their grubby paws on Cliff Lee (yet). In the third, Bobby calls in to marvel at Brock Lesnar and join in a truly epic series of Epic Fails. Plus, what's the street value of a World Cup made of cocaine? Excised music: "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League, "One More Minute" by Weird Al Yankovic, and "F*** It (I Don't Want You Back)" by Eamon.

Cleveland Seether: Cavs Get the "Business" End

First thing's first: LeBron James made himself bigger than the league with his University of Phoenix infomercial. Michael Jordan dealt in press conferences, and when he really wanted to get some tongues wagging, a fax. Cloaking sports history's most shameless self-promotion to date in the altruistic robes of charity is simply polishing a billboard-size turd of narcissism.

That said, Dan Gilbert needs to get over himself. The only differences between Miami poaching LeBron and Cleveland trying everything possible to poach Chris Bosh are that Bosh was blatantly obvious about his desire to get the hell out of Canada and that the Raptors were bound to get something for their pain. (Surely, Anderson Varejao's hot Brazilian blood would have greatly enjoyed Toronto in the winter.) Congrats, Danny, you've now scared the ever-loving shit out of every potential free agent/draft pick that may ever end up there, as nobody wants to feel like they're running for the door before the owner starts shooting.

All this bitching and moaning from Gilbert makes him look every bit the enabler, since ever since the day he bought the franchise, he's the one who's been green-lighting every move that's given LeBron this big a hammer in the first place. No one's said no to this guy since he was in about seventh grade, and you're surprised that he's not terribly concerned about your bottom line and your team's well-being? You dug this grave, don't begrudge someone else for throwing dirt on you.

Cleveland fans have fallen into the same trap that every small/medium market fanbase has since the advent of "big/small market" distinctions: they convince themselves that their athletes are theirs, they own their athletes, and they demand unconditional devotion from their athletes, even when those same fans reserve every right to boo and slam an athlete when his effort flags. When he leaves, you'd swear he'd bombed the Federal Building on the way out of town.

It's time for the city of Cleveland to get over themselves, as well. It's business. Always has been, always will be. Take it personal and decry the evil athlete all you want, just remember that no one's really listening.

What I'm more interested in, far more than how this new hydra in Miami will keep its three monstrous heads from eating each other, is what the Cavaliers decide to do from here. Frankly, the fans need to be glad that Chris Grant is in charge of the process instead of Danny Ferry, and let's examine why.

June 27, 2005: Danny Ferry hired as GM
August 2, 2005: Signed Larry Hughes to 5-year deal for more than $60M
--Hughes was coming off a 22-PPG season in Washington, and it was expected he'd be LeBron's caddy. In two-and-a-half seasons, however, he averaged 14.3, and his career's never really recovered.
December 5, 2007: Matched 3-year, $17M offer sheet for Anderson Varejao, including player option for 2009-10
--File this away for later.
February 21, 2008: Acquired Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, Joe Smith, and Delonte West in three-team trade
--This deal waved the white flag on the Hughes and Drew Gooden era, bringing in a 33-year-old offensive albatross, a one-dimensional shooter, a guy who Seattle (20-62 that season, mind you) mysteriously gave up on after only half a season, and a former number-one overall pick who even then was standing on highway overpasses with a sign saying, "Will warm bench for food."
August 13, 2008: Acquired Mo Williams in three-team trade
--The Cavs only gave up Joe Smith and Damon Jones, so that part of the price was right, especially for a point guard who'd averaged 17 points and six assists for Milwaukee the prior two seasons. Unfortunately, Mo was only one year into a six-year, $51.5M contract.
June 25, 2009: Acquired Shaquille O'Neal in trade with Phoenix
--So, you've got a young, athletic, up-tempo team that you think may be on the threshold of a title, but you've got an aging, undersized albatross of a center. What to do? Oooh, how about trading him for an outrageously oversized albatross of a center who's two-and-a-half years older and has just gotten done weighing down the offense of another athletic, up-tempo team? Fair for all sides, sure. It simply reeked of two teams making a move for the sake of saying they were making a move.
July 9, 2009: Re-signed Anderson Varejao to six-year, $50M contract
--Eight points, seven rebounds, and 61 percent from the foul line apparently earned you $8.5M per year in Cleveland. Considering the Cavs were adamant about turning down a host of trade offers for J.J. Hickson (who had extremely similar numbers per 36 minutes), wouldn't it have made sense to remove the main obstacle from his path to the floor? The only way this deal would have made sense would be if every man, woman, and child in the greater Cleveland area bought Sideshow Varejao wigs to pay for it.
July 23, 2009: Christian Eyenga signs three-year contract with DKV Joventut of the Spanish League
--Who? Oh, yeah, their 2009 first-round draft pick. Sure, you had the last pick of the first round, number 30 overall. But if you're drafting a guy with absolutely no intention of seeing him come to camp that season, why not make a trade? Guys like DeJuan Blair, Jonas Jerebko, and Sam Young turned out to be fine picks in the second. San Antonio's won multiple titles not just because of the lottery luck that brought them David Robinson and Tim Duncan, but because they also don't punt the late picks. Blair slid to them at 37, Manu Ginobili was the next-to-last pick in 1999, and Tony Parker was the last pick of the first round in 2001. Cleveland hasn't even taken the draft seriously these last two seasons, and at least this year, they were smart enough just to not show up.

Cleveland fans, do you want a sign of optimism? Ferry's gone.

Unfortunately, the stink of some of these deals will linger on for a while.

Your team's got about $9M in cap room, but unfortunately, all the guys worth that kind of scratch are spoken for already. Asking you to get excited about the prospect of a J.J. Redick (a possible Wally 2.0), a Josh Howard (who's completely misunderstood all the talk these days about "going green"), or a Brad Miller (one of my Purdue boys, but he's kind of long in the tooth these days hisownself) is actually sort of insulting.

Still, LeBron has to react to his surroundings, and honestly, his surroundings aren't all that attractive. You wanna blame somebody? Blame the deals that came before and handcuffed your team's payroll. If this team looked good enough to stay with, maybe he might have done so.

These were LeBron's options: 1) playing with two Olympians and going to one of America's primo women-in-thongs destinations whenever he saw fit; and 2) playing with a guy in a fright wig and another who (allegedly) banged his mom in one of America's primo women-in-parkas destinations.

Tell me you'd make a different decision, and I'll call you a liar.

This isn't The Shot...



or The Drive...



or The Fumble...



...where the sports gods tempted you with thoughts of glory and then cruelly dashed your dreams. This was a business decision. A poorly played business decision that wipes excrement all over the decision-maker's "brand," but a business decision nonetheless.

LeBron's Lament: Does the King Need to Stand By Someone Else's Throne?

What's the difference between LeBron James and Ken Griffey Jr.?

Junior has the decency to go back to the clubhouse to catch himself a nap (allegedly). LeBron was seen several times during last night's Eastern Conference Semifinal Game 5 standing off by himself near the three-point line, totally uninvolved in what was happening with his team's offense or defense.

When he tried to involve himself, it was usually by way of a 20-foot jumpshot rather than trying to assert himself at the rim.

Is he injured, distracted, or overwhelmed? Any of the three are understandable.

His elbow's probably painful, he's got the entire future of the NBA clinging to his summer travel itinerary, and he's got all the questions coming his way for whatever failures occur with the Cavaliers. And he appears to be getting tired of the questions.

The elbow will heal, his decision will come and go, but if he stays in Cleveland, he'll still have all the questions.  There's only one place he can go to escape some of them.

Contrary to everyone's expectations that LeBron and Dwyane Wade are destined to ride off into the sunset on twin bullet trains to New York, that won't get either of them where they want to be.

If LeBron's getting annoyed with the tone of the questions he's getting in his hometown, what the hell does he think is going to happen in New York? The Post, Times, and News will all line up to take whacks at him just as enthusiastically as New York Magazine is trying to woo him right now. He'll be the three-swings-for-a-quarter derelict car that every writer will be smashing with a verbal sledgehammer.

No one will feel sorry for a guy whose nickname is "The King" and whose interest in becoming that rarest of animals, the billionaire athlete, is well-known. Nike won't be able to save him from the press in New York.

But Miami? Miami is D-Wade's town. So why would LeBron go there?

Precisely for that reason. It's D-Wade's town. D-Wade will get a great deal of the questions when things go wrong, much like Michael Jordan shouldered most of the burden in Chicago. Anywhere else, even including D-Wade's hometown of Chicago, it's still LeBron and Wade, in that order.

Most of the free agency speculation about this summer has focused on LeBron going somewhere with a guy like Wade or Chris Bosh who can be Robin to his Batman, Pippen to his Jordan, Baba-Looey to his Quick Draw McGraw. Now, if he's tired of having all the disappointment and vitriol laid at his feet, maybe LeBron's more open to being the Pippen to Dwyane Wade's Jordan.

James has said often that a championship is the ultimate motivation. With as little energy as he showed in Game 5, it certainly seems that he's doubting his current team's championship potential. What he needs is a player who's strapped a team to his back and knows what it takes to get a ring. A player with the killer mentality to dominate a game singlehandedly, and still do it on the biggest stage of all. Right now, there are only two such players in the NBA.

One is Kobe Bryant. No, LeBron's not going to be a Laker.

The other is Dwyane Wade, who's had firsthand experience of carrying a team to the top of the mountain, practically by himself.

As good as LeBron is, we've got to go back to 1994 to find a team that was able to win the NBA Championship without two or more players who could be considered "stars." Even then, it's not unfair to say that Hakeem Olajuwon's Rockets won because they were in that trough while Michael Jordan was hitting pop-ups in Birmingham, and they were winning the Finals over an equally one-man Knicks team. So, him winning a championship with the likes of Mo "This Guy Was an All-Star? Srsly?" Williams, Antawn "Wait, There's a Second Round?" Jamison and Shaquille "Twitter Gives Me Another Excuse To Not Practice Free Throws" O'Neal may have been recklessly optimistic.

All of this is predicated on the thought that "The King" is no longer comfortable with the accountability that fans and media demand in return for his claim to the throne. His words after Game 5 sound like those of a man who wants to let someone else carry the load for a while.

He knows where he can find somebody who knows how.