Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Name of the Game: 3FL Kickoff Part 2

Last post, we saw the teams that 3FL owners voted as least likely to make the playoffs. Now, we tackle the ones who got credit for having a clue...relatively speaking, anyway.

8. Valhalla
Owner: Jason
(Jon's brother; famous for being an Eagles fanboy, albeit one who is constantly pissed about the team's failings rather than seeking excuses. Also pissed on my dog once. Yes, alcohol was involved. I hope.)
R1, P6. WR Larry Fitzgerald
R2, P7. WR Steve Smith
R3, P6. RB Reggie Bush
R4, P7. QB Matt Schaub
R5, P6. WR Anthony Gonzalez
R6, P7. RB Darren McFadden
R7, P6. WR Donnie Avery
R8, P7. QB Kyle Orton
R9, P6. WR Michael Crabtree
R10, P7. RB Willis McGahee
R11, P6. Ravens D
R12, P7. RB LeSean McCoy
R13, P6. WR Jeremy Maclin
R14, P7. WR Miles Austin
R15, P6. RB Michael Bush
R16, P7. K Jason Elam

Finally, someone who understands that WR's can produce in our format. Well, ones that have signed contracts, anyway. The receivers make up for Jay rolling the dice hard on his RB's and praying that Schaub stays on the field. Considering he's usually the one who ends up with Donovan McNabb, he knows something about injured QB's, at least. And in case you're wondering why anyone would want Bush (especially in R3), we do have a 0.5-PPR system, which means Bush would be better off being WR-eligible. And Jason's ready to fly to Arizona and personally wrap Larry Fitz in bubble wrap after seeing what happened to Troy Polamalu in the opener.

7. Mooby Mafia
Owner: Yours Truly
(Famous for founding this league, recruiting most everyone in it, starting this blog...I could go on for ages. Oh, and I'm the defending champion.)
R1, P12. RB Steve Slaton
R2, P1. WR Randy Moss
R3, P12. WR Roddy White
R4, P1. QB Matt Ryan
R5, P12. RB Felix Jones
R6, P1. WR Lee Evans
R7, P12. TE Greg Olsen
R8, P1. WR Steve Breaston
R9, P12. RB Darren Sproles
R10, P1. RB Cedric Benson
R11, P12. WR Josh Morgan
R12, P1. QB Shaun Hill
R13, P12. WR Chris Henry
R14, P1. RB Jamaal Charles
R15, P12. Chargers D
R16, P1. K David Akers

Most people had only one glaring problem with my team: the QB position. They don't share my optimism that the Falcons will actually use Tony Gonzalez to his full potential in the passing game. Eh, if they don't, I may be somewhat screwed. But, in my own defense, I do feel like I got a group of RB's who'll get the ball any which way but loose. Sproles and Jones may roll up 10-12 points a game while averaging a similar number of rushing yards. In addition, I see Greg Olsen and Jay Cutler as this year's Jason Witten and Tony Romo. Book it now. I'm also keeping an eye on Charles having the Chiefs' starting job when (not if) Larry Johnson does something stupid, hoping that Ced Benson still has his head out of his ass, and wondering if Shaun Hill really can do something with that SF offense.

6. Kirbdogs
Owner: Kirby
(Famous for puking at a Smokin' Grooves concert after sampling some laced weed that was being passed around our section. Also famous for being a damn dirty stinking liberal. Half the league's words, not mine.)
R1, P9. QB Peyton Manning
R2, P4. RB LaDainian Tomlinson
R3, P9. RB Marion Barber
R4, P4. WR T.J. Houshmandzedeh
R5, P9. WR Ted Ginn Jr.
R6, P4. TE Tony Gonzalez
R7, P9. RB Willie Parker
R8, P4. RB Jamal Lewis
R9, P9. Jets D
R10, P4. QB Marc Bulger
R11, P9. WR Percy Harvin
R12, P4. WR Earl Bennett
R13, P9. WR Devery Henderson
R14, P4. K Robbie Gould
R15, P9. RB Sammy Morris
R16, P4. TE Anthony Fasano

So, we'll get this out of the way now. The league's based in Indiana, but Peyton's not strictly a fanboy pick. We set passing TD's at six points rather than four, meaning as the only guys that are likely to account for 3+ TD's in a game, QB's score higher. Simple. (Besides, Kirby's a Bears fanboy, anyway.) Outside of Peyton, LT, who I think is coming back strong this season, and Gonzalez, there are a lot of question marks here, especially with his RB's. How much will returning to the "closer" role impact Barber's scoring? He did well for me last year until he got hurt, but can he score in the kind of volume that made LunchDale White relevant? Upside with the WR's, but still room for some spectacular failures. And God help him if anything happens to Peyton.

5. Gutter's Tools
Owner: Tim
(Famous for his major nipple fetish and his explosive emissions when he ignores his gluten allergy. Also the 3FL's inaugural champion.)
R1, P1. RB Adrian Peterson
R2, P12. RB Clinton Portis
R3, P1. QB Kurt Warner
R4, P12. WR Antonio Bryant
R5, P1. WR Roy Williams
R6, P12. TE Antonio Gates
R7, P1. WR Kevin Walter
R8, P12. QB Matt Cassel
R9, P1. WR Muhsin Muhammad
R10, P12. RB Larry Johnson
R11, P1. WR Michael Jenkins
R12, P12. Dolphins D
R13, P1. TE Visanthe Shiancoe
R14, P12. TE Zach Miller
R15, P1. RB Ladell Betts
R16, P12. K Nate Kaeding

Most people loved Tim's team, making me feel a bit of a Scrooge for voting him ninth. The hard part for me was his WR group. I love Kevin Walter this year, but I'm iffy on Roy Williams and wouldn't have touched Antonio Bryant with a ten-foot pole. A possible one-year wonder with a mediocre group of QB's = yuckburger with an extra side of yuck sauce. Now, if it was possible for us to start multiple TE's, he'd be golden. Gates is always strong, I love Miller as the only warm body for Big Pussy Russell to throw to, and Shiancock is going to make large points with Old Man River getting him the ball. There will be a lot of points sitting on Gutter's bench, barring the trade market. And Portis would have been a fine pick...if he hadn't left Chris Johnson on the table in the process.

4. God's Right Hand
Owner: Adam
(Famous for being that rare white boy who can pull off the bald look. Helps that he's built like a right tackle. Oh, and he's getting married next week.)
R1, P8. RB Matt Forte
R2, P5. RB Brandon Jacobs
R3, P8. QB Philip Rivers
R4, P5. WR Dwayne Bowe
R5, P8. WR Bernard Berrian
R6, P5. WR Jerricho Crotchrot
R7, P8. RB Derrick Ward
R8, P5. RB Julius Jones
R9, P8. Giants D
R10, P5. QB Joe Flacco
R11, P8. RB Beanie Wells
R12, P5. K Stephen Gostkowski
R13, P8. WR Nate Washington
R14, P5. RB Ricky Williams
R15, P8. QB Jake Delhomme
R16, P5. Patriots D

First off, Matt Forte falling to #8 was a complete fucking outrage. I would have seriously considered him if I'd had #1. That said, Adam's got the RB's, and Rivers should get to produce big this year. The receivers are iffy, until Berrian gets to Week 8 or 9. That's when I expect Brett Favre to start chucking it 40 times a game and leave All Day wondering "WTF, mate?" Berrian will start looking like Jerry Rice at that point...or at least Sterling Sharpe. Adam started getting plagued by some technical difficulties around Round 12, with Yahoo auto-drafting him even as he searched for players. But, if you're gonna have a kicker forced on you, who better than Gostkowski?

3. Blue Rookie Monsters
Owner: Steve
(Adam's future father-in-law, famous for...well, nothing yet. We don't have any dirt on him. At future drafts, we'll need to get his wife drunk and dig for information.)
R1, P5. RB Michael Turner
R2, P8. QB Aaron Rodgers
R3, P5. WR Anquan Boldin
R4, P8. WR Vincent Jackson
R5, P5. WR Eddie Royal
R6, P8. WR DeSean Jackson
R7, P5. QB Carson Palmer
R8, P8. RB Joseph Addai
R9, P5. WR Derrick Mason
R10, P8. Packers D
R11, P5. RB Leon Washington
R12, P8. RB Ahmad Bradshaw
R13, P5. WR Dominik Hixon
R14, P8. RB Fred Jackson
R15, P5. K Nick Folk
R16, P8. RB Shonn Greene

Steve's a bastard. Nothing personal, Steve, it's just that his first six picks all had me saying "BASTARD!" And as we all know, when someone swears at you during a draft, it's a very good thing. Means you just snagged someone they had their eye on, and Steve's team may well have been drafted right off my watch list. Those first six picks were similar to what I had hoped my team might look like. He took a couple of rounds off from being a bastard, but then started right up again with Washington, Bradshaw, and Jackson. And he covered his Washington bet nicely with Greene. I voted him to win the whole thing. Not bad for a rookie. Bastard.

2. Mules
Owner: Dave
(Adam's dad, famous for hosting this draft and several other kick-ass parties over the past decade or so.)
R1, P3. RB Maurice Jones-Drew
R2, P10. RB Steven Jackson
R3, P3. WR Greg Jennings
R4, P10. QB Jay Cutler
R5, P3. WR Hines Ward
R6, P10. WR Brandon Marshall
R7, P3. Steelers D
R8, P10. WR Torry Holt
R9, P3. QB Ben Roethlisberger
R10, P10. RB Donald Brown
R11, P3. TE Owen Daniels
R12, P10. QB David Garrard
R13, P3. WR Sidney Rice
R14, P10. WR Brian Robiskie
R15, P3. WR Mark Bradley
R16, P10. K John Kasay

Dave definitely came strong on the WR's, possibly snagging a huge steal if Brandon Marshall can get his shit together and play like he's capable. There's a strong Steeler influence here, but we'll now have to see how the D looks without Polamalu. Big Ben might step up large, if he can keep from getting sacked six times per game. (And yes, in our scoring system, that does cost points.) Dave's QB situation is strong overall. MJD and Jackson could be a great-looking tandem...or they could end up on IR. He'll need to hope for big things poppin' from Donald Brown. I didn't feel Dave's team nearly as much as everyone else did, but I'll admit he could be very strong. But if the RB's have issues, he could also end up 3-11.

1. Suicide Squad
Owner: Amanda
(Steve's daughter and Adam's intended...famous for being the true brains of Adam's team before she became an active competitor. I still remember the famous Amani Toomer Dispute.)
R1, P4. QB Drew Brees
R2, P9. WR Reggie Wayne
R3, P4. RB Chris Johnson
R4, P9. WR Terrell Owens
R5, P4. RB Thomas Jones
R6, P9. WR Lance Moore
R7, P4. RB Jonathan Stewart
R8, P9. WR Laveranues Coles
R9, P4. QB Trent Edwards
R10, P9. RB Knowshon Moreno
R11, P4. WR Deion Branch
R12, P9. Eagles D
R13, P4. WR Nate Burleson
R14, P9. RB Earnest Graham
R15, P4. TE John Carlson
R16, P9. K Mason Crosby

No one voted Amanda into the bottom half of the league. I voted her second, behind her dad. I was highly iffy on the T.O. pick, as it's only a matter of time before he bitches his way out of the league, but Moore and Coles constitute wonderful coverage for the inevitable meltdown. The first three picks look quite solid, and if Brees is anywhere near the man he was last season, she's spotted a 25-to-30-point head start each week. Other than Johnson (a steal in R3 for which she needs to send Tim a thank-you card), her RB corps could be dicey, with no one knowing how much of the load Jones or Moreno will get, and if Stewart will ever be able to quit injuring himself. However, John Carlson in the 15th could be huge, as he might be a frequent target for the returning Matt Hasselbeck. A Brees-Johnson-Wayne-Moore-T.O.-Carlson/Coles lineup looks quite solid to me. Amanda does need to be praying hard for Brees's continued health, though, as all bets are off if something happens to him. Oh, and look for some couples' counseling next week, after someone wins the Adam-Amanda showdown. Now taking bets on who throws the first plate.

More shit gets talked in this league than any other I've ever seen, and it illustrates why you need to get into leagues with people you know and love, rather than just some random Internet fuckwads. We can talk shit all week long, tell each other how badly their teams suck, and then when we take a loss, toast a beer and say "Good game." This makes football even more fun than it already is, and it'll be a pleasure defeating this fine group of competitors and retaining my trophy this season.

See? Told ya. As I said in a previous on, motherfuckers.

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