Friday, September 25, 2009

3FL Week 2: She's Got the Biggest Johnson of All

First off, since Amanda has yet to publicly do it...this one's for you, Timmy.

Chris Johnson rolled up more points on one PLAY last week than Clinton Portis has all season.

Week 2 Results:
Kirbdogs def. Mooby Mafia 112.81-107.52
PopRocks def. Gutter's Tools 119.91-91.68
Salsa Shark def. Valhalla 104.88-98.40
Carpet Munchers def. Lady Shark 140.91-65.42
God'sRightHand def. Mules 83.09-75.98
Suicide Squad def. Blue Rookie Monsters 125.78-113.50

Amazing parenting by the two fathers this week, both losing to their newlywed offspring. And here, all I gave them was a book. Some people seriously go all out on a gift, eh?

Once again, Amanda's players (namely, her Superman quarterback and gift-wrapped RB) figure in the All-3FL team...but this week, a different team brought more noise than hers did.

QB: Drew Brees (28.84 for Suicide Squad)
WR: Andre Johnson (32.90 for Salsa Shark)
WR: Marques Colston (25.80 for Carpet Munchers)
RB: Chris Johnson (51.90 for Suicide Squad)
WR/TE: Dallas Clark (28.80 for Carpet Munchers)
WR/RB: Frank Gore (40.10 for Carpet Munchers)
K: Nate Kaeding (14.00 for Gutter's Tools)
DEF: New York Giants (17.44 for God'sRightHand)

Once again, one team could have won its game with only two players. Not bad for a team that, coming out of the draft, looked like it might only HAVE two players. Now, if we can just get Bill to stop hoarding TE's. (Dustin Keller, Heath Miller, and Vernon Davis all warm his bench right now.)

Now for the unlucky bastards (sorry, bastard...singular) who had potential All-3FL talent parked on the bench:

QB Matt Schaub (39.68 on Valhalla's bench)
WR Mario Manningham (27.00 on Valhalla's bench)

In all fairness, though, who would have thought that the Titans' three-Pro-Bowler secondary would have rolled over and let Schaub play catch with Andre all day? And show me someone who started Manningham and I'll show you someone who sleeps in a Harry Carson jersey and wears Eli Manning Underoos. (Dammit, Bill, pull your pants up.)

Ahem...moving on.


Vegas would have lost I'm-suddenly-homeless amounts of money on the 3FL this week, as only one favorite covered their spread. (Strangely, it's the guy who's notorious for giving people a spread of a different kind. You don't wanna know.) Hell, we only had one favorite even WIN.

PS=Projected Spread
AS=Actual Spread
Diff.=Difference (If the difference is positive, then the winner covered the spread.)

Mooby Mafia favored over Kirbdogs (PS=5.36, AS=-5.29, Diff.=-10.65)
Lady Shark over Carpet Munchers (PS=1.48, AS=-75.49, Diff.=-76.97)
Gutter's Tools over PopTarts (PS=22.72, AS=-28.23, Diff.=-50.95)
Mules over God'sRightHand (PS=10.57, AS=-7.11, Diff.=-17.68)
Salsa Shark over Valhalla (PS=3.82, AS=6.48, Diff.=2.66)
BRM over Suicide Squad (PS=0.68, AS=-12.28, Diff.=-12.96)

The spread for my bout with Kirby was almost dead on...unfortunately, the wrong team won. Of course, I kinda knew I was screwed about...oh...12 seconds into the Monday Night game. Meanwhile, Yahoo didn't misfire on Mireya quite as bad as they did on Jason last week, but it still got really ugly. Mas tequila after that one, for sure.


No one got really hot on the Swami Award standings this week, but when underdogs are getting 40- and 50-point performances, who can tell?

For the week:
Steve and Kirby went 4-2.
Amanda, Jason, Justin, Bill, and me were all 3-3.
Dave and Tim came in at 2-4.
Adam was too busy practicing his "Yes, dears."
Jon can barely find his keyboard through all the hallucinogens that have him predicting 15-1 for the Skins. (As I told him on Facebook, he completely misspelled 5-11.)
Mireya was busy searching for any more available Titans.

For the season:
Amanda, Jason, Justin and Steve tie at 8-4.
Dave and Kirby 7-5.
Tim and me 6-6.
Mireya 4-2.
Bill 3-3.


Three teams have cracked ten points in the Falcon Award standings...and two of us are starting to slide the other way, into potential oblivion. (Yes, I said us. Shoot me now.)

Mooby Mafia 5 votes, Kirbdogs 4 (Winner: Kirbdogs)
Carpet Munchers 7, Lady Shark 2 (Winner: Carpet Munchers)
Gutter's Tools 8, Pop Idols 1 (Winner: Pop-a Chubby)
Mules 6, GRH 3 (Winner: GRH)
Salsa Shark 7, Valhalla 2 (Winner: Da Shark)
Suicide Squad 5, BRM 4 (Winner: Suicide Squad)

For the season:
Bill: 16 points
Amanda: 14
Justin: 12
Jon: 7
Adam: 6
Steve: 4
Kirby: 3
Dave: 2
Tim: -1
Mireya: -3
Scott: -9
Jason: -11

Look at it this way, Jay...eventually, people may just stop voting for us. Meh.


On to the Good and Bad of Week 2, and some people just had an embarrassment of riches both in their lineups AND on their benches.

The only real Good Sit of the week had to be Amanda dropping Lance Moore and his 0.00 production to the bench in favor of Nate Burleson, of all people. Sure, Moore was coming in a little limited. But, at this point, it looks like Brees could tell the waterboy and two cheerleaders to go long and he'd still account for 250 and two scores. Burleson didn't do much, but it beats a doughnut any day.

Double-edged sword, though, as a guy Amanda passed over for Burleson, Terrell Owens, probably qualifies as a Bad Sit this week. TO caught his first Buffalo TD, which pushed him to 14 points for the week. Better than Burleson and Reggie Wayne put together...but who the hell's gonna bench Reggie Wayne?
--As stated above...who would have thought that Matt Schaub would have been able to torch Tennessee as badly as he did? Jason did a little virtual crying on the league message board, knowing that there was no way in hell Kyle Orton was going to match 39.68. Orton wasn't terrible, but losing out on Schaub this week was an absolute game-changer, especially since Justin was taking the payoff from everything Andre caught. I'd have started Schaub just on the off-chance that he'd get points for everything Andre did.
--Another true game-changer was Steve's deactivating of DeSean Jackson. Joe Flacco going wild in Week 1 has deluded people into thinking that Derrick Mason's a worthwhile non-bye-week play. Mason equaled 4.6 points, while Jackson produced 20.8. But, again, Steve may have tanked one for his little girl as a wedding gift. Amanda's starting to fall behind on the thank-you cards here, seriously.
--And while we're cracking on the blushing bride, can't leave out the glowering groom. Sure, Adam won, and he got 17.65 out of his new bestest buddy, Mr. Flacco. But honestly, Philip Rivers' 29.64 would have looked even better. This falls under the "don't use anyone who's playing Baltimore" scenario, but Rivers is nearing that point that you don't bench him...ever. Especially without LT available.

But, again, I will go all double-edged here and give credit for Joe Flacco being a Good Start. I'd be more concerned about starting a QB against Quentin Jammer and Antonio Cromartie than against anyone on the Ravens' secondary these days, but it did work. Unfortunately for me, as I could have used a few more sacks and picks out of the Charger D.
--Speaking of me losing, I have to give a little dap to Kirby for deploying Percy Harvin. I would have started Ted Ginn, who, in truth, had a better game than Harvin, 17.3 to 17.16. But, me being a greedy SOB, I'd have been annoyed that Ginn dropped a couple of touchdown passes that could have run up the score a bit...then I would have said, "Wait, if he caught one, the Colts would have lost." Fantasy football's age-old dichotomy written large...but I would have still sworn at Ginn under my breath.

The Bad Starts both occupy the same position for the same team. As said above, if Steve uses DeSean instead of Derrick Mason, he wins. And Mireya's options weren't all that good, but I would have thought long and hard about using Isaac Bruce or Kevin Curtis ahead of Mark Clayton. Remember, folks, we're talking about the Ravens. Three running backs and a stiff defense. Granted, neither Bruce nor Curtis broke six, and in a 75-point loss, it's like putting up an umbrella in a tsunami, but still. Ravens receivers...blecch.

Looking ahead to Week 3, and speaking of Ravens receivers, we'll see if Todd Heap manages to injure something now that Kirby's been hornswoggled into picking him up. We'll also see another domestic dispute as the Shark family goes at it, and the dueling dads face each other after losing to their kids. Me? I'm off to stick pins in an Adrian Peterson voodoo doll, write a five-page English paper, and then head to my first day of the new job, working a Predators hockey game tomorrow night. I leave you with something of a new in-joke amongst the league, to be found at about the 1:28 mark below.

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