3FL Week 4: Upside Down

At the 3FL's first-quarter intermission, our standings appear somewhat inverted. Of the top four teams in the league, three of them were projected to miss the playoffs when we conducted our post-draft vote. Justin stands alone as the lone 4-0 owner, with Bill, Kirby, and Jon nipping at his heels.

Jalapeno Poppers (3-1) def. Mooby Mafia (1-3) 109.33-98.18
Kirbdogs (3-1) def. Lady Shark (0-4) 115.12-89.76
Gutter's Tools (2-2) def. Valhalla (0-4) 114.28-60.76
Salsa Shark (4-0) def. God'sRightHand (2-2) 106.49-80.42
Carpet Munchers (3-1) def. Blue Rookie Monsters (2-2) 122.41-97.10
Mules (2-2) def. Suicide Squad (2-2) 102.48-79.32

And Jon got every last possible point out of his lineup, becoming the first owner to score his or her optimal amount this season. Of course, that'll happen when your bench is all byes, cripples and scrubs...they all combined to TOTAL 4.2 points. This after he missed perfection by 0.4 in Week 2. More on optimals next week.

Despite slumping to her fourth straight defeat, Mireya was one of this week's THREE All-3FL double dippers, placing her ancient QB and young freak WR on this week's team. Now, if only she could get more than five points out of any RB...like Kirby did on his seemingly desperate start of Rashard Mendenhall.

QB: Brett Favre (28.6 for Lady Shark)
WR: NYG's Steve Smith (31.9 for Salsa Shark)
WR: Calvin Johnson (19.5 for Lady Shark)
RB: Rashard Mendenhall (33.1 for Kirbdogs)
WR/RB: Ronnie Brown (24.5 for Popstains)
WR/TE: Antonio Gates (29.9 for Gutter's Tools)
K: Robbie Gould (14 for Kirbdogs)
DEF: Saints (29.92 for Gutter's Tools)

And this week, we saw a pretty long list of guys who were in the wrong place at the right time, highlighted by a pack of Jaguars...since when did they grow an offense?

QB David Garrard (33.22 on Mules' bench)
WR Mike Sims-Walker (24.6 on Mules' bench)
WR Mohamed Massaquoi (19.8 as FA)
K Josh Scobee (15 as FA)
49ers' defense (40.12 as FA)
Texans' defense (33.56 as FA)

Everyone so far as posted at least two All-3FL performers, with Amanda having an impressive seven. Okay, maybe not EVERYONE...Jason and I still have none. Jay just needs to start the right people and I...well, I guess I need to actually go find the right people.

This is me hoping that Mohamed Massaquoi is this year's Eddie Royal.

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Four weeks in, and the Point Spreads statistics have reconfirmed the long-held belief that Yahoo's projections are absolutely full of shit. Of our 24 games thus far, the "underdog" has won 13 of them. Of those 13 "upsets," seven have been by more than 25 points.

PS=Projected Spread
AS=Actual Spread
Diff.=Difference (If the difference is positive, then the winner covered the spread.)

Mooby Mafia favored over Pop Secrets (PS=5.2; AS=-11.15; Diff.=-16.35)
Salsa Shark over GRH (PS=0.13; AS=-26.07; Diff.=-26.2)
Kirbdogs over Lady Shark (PS=10.83; AS=25.36; Diff.=14.53)
BRM over Carpet Munchers (PS=7.88; AS=-25.31; Diff.=-33.19)
Gutter's Tools over Valhalla (PS=7.36; AS=53.52; Diff.=46.16)
Mules over Suicide Squad (PS=12.59; AS=23.16; Diff.=10.57)

Justin and Steve are the only two who've been favored every week so far. Justin's results are very consistent, Steve's not so much.

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Our Swami picks were mostly decent this week. Probably only a matter of time before Jay stops voting, though, in the search for SOMETHING that might help his team score a win. If skipping voting doesn't work, he may have to resort to animal sacrifice. Everyone pray for his dog.

For the week:
Justin, Tim, Mireya: 4-2
Steve, Dave, Kirby, Scott, Bill: 3-3
Amanda: 2-4
Jason: 1-5
Jon was too busy conducting voodoo rituals to get Jason Campbell out of negative figures, where the bastard should have stayed.
Adam was too busy penning love notes to his new mancrush, Joe Flacco. Unfortunately, the rest of his team seem to be getting jealous and are refusing to produce...well, except for his benched first-round pick. More on that later.

For the season:
Justin: 15-9
Steve: 14-10
Dave: 13-11
Amanda, Jason, Tim: 12-12
Kirby: 11-8
Scott: 11-13
Mireya: 10-8
Bill: 7-11 (at least it's not 3-11, eh, Bill?)

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Reports of my resurrection in any sort of standings this season were tremendously premature. The F-U Award rankings continue to separate out, as Jon continues his streak of drawing only one vote, which has happened every week this season. That streak should get snapped shortly, as he prepares for the return of Donovan McNabb from his preseason rib injury. Yes, I said preseason. Screw the Panthers, McNabb got tore all to hell right here:



Troy Polamalu and Ed Reed have nothing on that waitress. God help the customer who leaves a shitty tip.

Mooby Mafia 9 votes, Popeye's Chicken and Pussy 1 (Winner: Popgun Offense)
Salsa Shark 7, GRH 3 (Winner: Da Shark)
Kirbdogs 5, Lady Shark 5 (Winner: Kirbdogs)
Carpet Munchers 5, BRM 5 (Winner: Carpet Munchers)
Gutter's Tools 6, Valhalla 4 (Winner: Gutter's Tools)
Mules 6, Suicide Squad 4 (Winner: Mules)

For the season:
Justin: 27 points
Jon: 24
Kirby: 16
Bill: 14
Adam: 10
Steve: 5
Amanda, Dave, Tim: 2
Mireya: -9
Scott: -12
Jason: -23

Jay, I got the volleyball...Mireya's got the tequila.

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No time to do the Goods and Bads this week, and no one leaves comments here, agreeing or complaining, to indicate they read them anyway...but there was one that screams for comment.

Adam benched his first-round pick, Matt Forte, against the Lions, choosing instead to keep riding the runaway train that was...Julius Jones. This officially confirms that he's having a lot of great newlywed sex, as a move like that only gets made by someone whose brains have been officially fucked out. Thankfully, Forte will also be on the bench this week...yannow, since the Bears are on bye and stuff.

This weekend, Jay will probably get off the schneid against me, as Matt Ryan and Roddy White have to play that suddenly destructive 49er defense. Mireya will be hoping Minnesota's up by 40 at the half, so they'll rest AP and run Chester's legs off; and Amanda tries to do with Trent Edwards what she couldn't do the last two weeks with Drew Brees. Finally, Justin tries to stay unbeaten with Steve Smith being matched up with Nnamdi Asomugha...luckily, he's facing Steve, who has to start Carson Palmer against a pissed-off Ravens defense. Which matchup is from a more southern part of Hell? We'll have to wait until Sunday night to find out.