Friday, October 2, 2009

3FL Week 3: Down to Earth

The mighty stumbled this week, as Amanda dropped the first game in which she didn't have a player pushing 50 points. Bit of a dangerous game, relying on that kind of scoring each week.

In other news, Justin showed Mireya who wore the pants on Sunday, striking back for husbands everywhere after Amanda's Week 1 whipping of Adam. (Although, I hear he liked it so much that...never mind.)

Also, the league's two oldest players had the league's tightest game. 911 was on speed dial, I'm sure.

Week 3 Results:
Mooby Mafia (1-2) def. Gutter's Tools (1-2) 91.7-87.16
Kirbdogs (2-1) def. Valhalla (0-3) 106.3-102.62
Salsa Shark (3-0) def. Lady Shark (0-3) 115.76-96.72
God'sRightHand (2-1) def. Carpet Munchers (2-1) 119.26-79.46
Blue Rookie Monsters (2-1) def. Mules (1-2) 129.46-128.89
Popcorn Farts (2-1) def. Suicide Squad (2-1) 107.84-65.44

Unlike last week, only one player was able to field two All-3FL performers. Like last week, one player cost himself a game by leaving two heavy producers on the bench.

QB: Peyton Manning (38.06 for Kirbdogs)
WR: Santana Moss (29.8 for Lady Shark)
WR: DeSean Jackson (24.9 for BRM)
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew (35.7 for Mules)
WR/RB: Reggie Wayne (23.1 for Suicide Squad)
WR/TE: Jerricho Cotchery (22.48 for God'sRightHand)
K: Stephen Gostkowski (14 for GRH)
DEF: Cowboys (22.24 for Pop Lock 'n' Drop It)

Reggie joins Brees as only the second player to make All-3FL for the second time. Small consolation, though, considering she got blown out by the league's consensus doormat.

And the Inglourious Basterds who produced big games for naught:
RB Pierre Thomas (25.6 on Carpet Munchers' bench)
TE Vernon Davis (25.1 on Carpet Munchers' bench)

So, there's Vernon Davis's one hot game for the year. The trade market is now open, I'm sure. While Bill wonders why no one's calling and checks to make sure the ringer works on that phone, the rest of us will move on.


The Point Spread action was pretty lopsided this week, as the favorites covered small and the underdogs won large. And we had our first favorite win, but fail to cover.

PS=Projected Spread
AS=Actual Spread
Diff.=Difference (If the difference is positive, then the winner covered the spread.)

Mooby Mafia favored over Gutter's Tools (PS=2.09; AS=4.54; Diff.=2.45)
Carpet Munchers over GRH (PS=11.2; AS=-39.8; Diff.=-51)
Valhalla over Kirbdogs (PS=28.64; AS=-3.68; Diff.=-32.32)
BRM over Mules (PS=5.32; AS=0.57; Diff.=-4.75...but dammit, a win's a win, eh, Steve?)
Salsa Shark over Lady Shark (PS=14.59; AS=19.04; Diff.=4.45)
Suicide Squad over Pop Goes the Weasel (PS=14.37; AS=-42.4; Diff.=-56.77)

Jay's loss to Kirby is the new leader for Largest Projected Spread Overcome...but once again, one player could have swung the whole thing the other way. More on him later.


The Swami picks were pretty miserable overall, as once again, the meek are inheriting the earth here.

For the week:
Jason, Justin, Steve: 3-3
Amanda, Dave, Tim, Scott, Mireya: 2-4
Bill: 1-5
Kirby: 1-0 (no points for guessing which matchup he voted on)
Jon was trying to decide between hanging or dropping the toaster in the bathtub as his Redskins became THAT team...and yes, you all know which team I'm talking about.
Adam was too busy rubbing his hands with mad scientist glee as he prepared to unleash his secret weapon...more on him later.

For the season:
Jason, Justin, Steve: 11-7
Amanda, Dave: 10-8
Kirby: 8-5
Scott, Tim: 8-10
Mireya: 6-6
Bill: 4-8


I'm happy to say that I'm finally showing signs of life in the F-U Award standings. (And yes, the name did change. Considering it's all about getting points for people who voted against you, the name should be much more self-explanatory than Falcon Award.) A leader is beginning to assert himself, while another man begins to drift out onto his own island.

Mooby Mafia 6 votes, Gutter's Tools 3 (Winner: Mafia)
Carpet Munchers 7, GRH 2 (Winner: GRH)
Valhalla 8, Kirbdogs 2 (Winner: Peyton, Kirbdogs)
Mules 6, BRM 3 (Winner: BRM)
Salsa Shark 8, Lady Shark 1 (Winner: The One With Balls)
Suicide Squad 8, Poppyseeds 1 (Winner: Pop-a Smurf)

For the season:
Justin: 20 points
Jon: 15
Adam: 13
Kirby: 11
Steve: 10
Bill: 9
Amanda: 6
Scott: -3
Dave, Mireya, Tim: -4
Jason: -19

Soon, Jay's only friend will be a volleyball.


Kind of a slow week on the Goods and Bads, as I couldn't find a lot to really quibble with about the way people set up their lineups.

I have to give Kirby a Good Sit for T.J. Howsyermama, who sleepwalked through the Seachickens' game with the Bears to the tune of 3.5 points. Granted, he chose to start Devery Henderson and his 5.5 instead, and Henderson's only good for one long-bomb TD every season just so people will be desperate enough to draft him the following year. Still, I'd have started Housh easily. And then been split down the middle again, wanting him to do well, but the Bears to win. Thankfully, Olindo Mare would have still been willing to accomodate me.

About the only way I call my own number here seems to be in the Bad columns, and here I am, back in the Bad Sits neighborhood. Cedric Benson looked like he should have been dead in the water, going up against the Steelers. Then he rambled for that TD, tallied 14.6 for the game, and cinched a win for the Bungles (although I did call that result, by the way). Luckily for me, this week, he's got what looks like a foolproof matchup this week against the Brownstains. If he's really legit, he'll go for 200 against what is EASILY the worst team in the NFL. Luckily for Jon, the Skins don't play Cleveland this year, because they'd probably find a way to lose to them, too.
--And now, Rant Mode. (DAMMIT ALL TO HELL, JASON, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF EAGLES FANBOY ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!!?!?!?1111111!!1!11!OMGWTFBBQ?!??!?! FUCKING HELL, MAN, IT'S THE #&$#*%$^&$&#&@^#@ CHEFS!!!) End Rant Mode. But seriously, if there was ever an opponent who would have been good to test out a touted rookie running back against, it'd be Kansas City. LeSean McCoy had that droolworthy matchup, and ample opportunity with Brian Westbrook in the shop. Hell, yes, he'd be in my lineup ahead of Reggie (I Handle Kim's Ass Better Than I Handle the Football) Bush. Sure, Reggie actually did something of note (10.28 points' worth, at least) but McCoy recorded 15.8, including his first career TD. And if McCoy starts...Jay wins. Bad Eagle fanboy. No Super Bowl for you.

For the Good Starts, I give you one name: Jacoby F'n Jones. There's a link to his profile, because you may need to look him up. Adam didn't. He and the missus have both had hard-ons for this guy for two years now. I think one of them may have drafted him his rookie season. As a punt returner, guy's an ace. As a receiver, he's usually seen about as often as Mitch Frerotte. Click the Frerotte link, and you'll note that he was a guard. Well, after scoring a TD in his second straight game this week, Jones has now tied Frerotte on the all-time TD catch list. I repeat, Frerotte was a guard. Jason is now expecting 15.9 out of Andre Caldwell next week.

Only one Bad Start this week, and we keep it in the family. Amanda rolled the dice on Thomas Jones against the Titans and crapped out. While I commend the Titans for being such gentlemen and handing the AFC South back to its rightful owners so graciously, they're not being very gracious to opposing running backs. Meanwhile, Knowshon Moreno was getting a chance to roll against the Raiders. Granted, it's Denver, otherwise known as RB Hell, but's the Raiders. They gave up 173 to the Chiefs. Adam or Tim could probably run for 70 and a score against the Raiders. Even Justin could, if his gun was declared legal. Jones had 2.7, Moreno had 15, including TD #1. I'm a TJ fan, but damn.

And before I go, I have to send a "Thank You" on my own behalf.

This one's for Kirby, after he helped me score a few points on my Biology exam today. I had to remember the order of classification for living things, which goes: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species. So, I made up a sentence to remember it by: Kirby Puked Crap Over Freaky Green Smoked. From the now-infamous Smokin' Grooves concert, you know. I will now remember the classification of living things as long as I live. Thanks, Kirb.

Next week, we all start getting hammered by bye weeks. My team will be led by Shaun Hill, of all people, against Jon, who's already won all the games we gave him credit for pre-season. Mireya will try to get off the pot against Kirby's one-man band. Jason will try to do the same against Tim, who may have no choice but to sit in agony as Favre tries to put the screws to his old team by only letting Peterson have 11 carries.

Oh, and the new job's pretty cool, thanks for asking. Maybe my next time there, I'll be able to leave before 2 AM.

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