3FL Week 5: White-Out

Yeah, I'm late. Sue me. Four midterms and a job that keeps you until 2 AM most nights can put you behind on some things. Luckily, one place I wasn't behind in Week 5 was on the scoreboard.

Mooby Mafia (2-3) def. Valhalla (0-5) 112.24-105.88
Salsa Shark (5-0) def. Blue Rookies (2-3) 141.71-74.23
Kirbdogs (4-1) def. God'sRightHand (2-3) 97.18-72.82
Carpet Munchers (4-1) def. SuicideSquad (2-3) 90.21-85.18
Gutter's Tools (3-2) def. Lady Shark (0-5) 97.05-76.24
Mules (3-2) def. Poppin' Fresh (3-2) 127.31-77.51

After owning all of our souls in the first two weeks behind dominant Drew Brees performances, Amanda's crashed back to earth with scores of 65, 79, and 85 in a three-game skid. Meanwhile, Jason's broken 98 in three of his first five games and still can't beg, borrow, or steal a win. As for who's broken 100 in each of their first five games...that list is as short as the list of undefeated teams, and has the same name on it. Justin's low game so far has been 104.88.

The All-3FL team is finally made major by a massive member of the Mafia, and for the second week in a row, a RB play that looked like a gamble paid off large.

QB: Matt Hasselbeck (35.69 for Carpet Munchers)
WR: Roddy White (38 for the Mafia)
WR: Andre Johnson (27.1 for Salsa Shark)
RB: Ahmad Bradshaw (30 for BRM)
WR/RB: Nate Burleson (25.08 for SuicideSquad)
WR/TE: Kellen Winslow (27.7 for Salsa Shark)
K: Lawrence Tynes (14 for Mules)
DEF: Vikings (21.56 for Salsa Shark)

This makes four straight weeks that our All-3FL kicker has carded exactly 14 points. Doesn't mean shit, but it's a hella coincidence. Andre becomes the third All-3FL repeater, and the first who wasn't representing SuicideSquad.

And, once again, there's quite a list of people who could have been contendas:

WR Miles Austin (43.96 as FA)
WR Jeremy Maclin (30.2 as FA)
RB Michael Turner (27.7 on BRM's bench)
WR Austin Collie (25.7 on Lady Shark's bench)
Seahawks DEF (26.28 as FA)

Once again, these people benching their #1 picks. Oy vey, I may be getting all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

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Yahoo expected a tight game between Justin and Steve...and in return, they got the week's biggest keg of whoop-ass. Other than that, nothing was expected to be close, although a couple of games got fairly tight.

PS=Projected Spread
AS=Actual Spread
Diff.=Difference (If the difference is positive, then the winner covered the spread.)

Valhalla favored over Mooby Mafia (PS=17.17, AS=-6.36, Diff.=-23.53)
BRM over Salsa Shark (PS=0.5, AS=-67.48, Diff.=-67.98)
Kirbdogs over GRH (PS=12.33, AS=24.36, Diff.=12.03)
SuicideSquad over Carpet Munchers (PS=16.48, AS=-5.03, Diff.=-21.51)
Gutter's Tools over Lady Shark (PS=13.48, AS=20.81, Diff.=7.33)
Mules over Pop Rocks & Coke (PS=25.28, AS=49.8, Diff.=24.52)

Adam and Jon haven't gotten much love from Yahoo's prognostication program, having both been underdogs each week so far. And, as was mentioned in Week 4's recap, Steve is still perfect after being favored to beat Justin this week. If only Yahoo wasn't completely full of it, eh?

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In seasons past, Justin would routinely put some posts on the league message board depicting him doing depraved shit to Chris Berman. Seriously, I think Justin may need to hire a lawyer, because I think the writers of the Saw movies have been biting his material for the last few sequels. This season, though, he's contented himself with merely being a better Swami than Berman's ever been. Thankfully for Berman's entrails.

For the week:
Tim, Mireya: 4-2
Justin, Dave, Kirby, Scott: 3-3
Steve, Amanda, Jason: 2-4
Jon was busy crying into his pillow, "Lord, why does my team's QB suck?" after he kept Donovan McNabb's 264 yards and 3 TD's on the bench in favor of Jason "More Sacks than a Supermarket" Campbell. Between McNabb and Ray Rice, he'd have had enough points to win...somehow...again.
Adam was also crying into his pillow, wondering why mean old defenses had to go and start covering Jacoby Jones.

For the season:
Justin: 18-12
Dave, Steve, Tim: 16-14
Mireya: 14-10
Kirby: 14-11
Amanda, Jason, Scott: 14-16
Bill: 12-12

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As if Justin wasn't owning the rest of us hard enough already, he's also pulling even further away in the F-U Award standings. We're reaching the point where voting against him is sheer lunacy, especially now with Marshawn Lynch returning to back up Ryan Grant and Kevin Smith. Not to mention that he's our winner of the "Holy Shit, I Gotta Go Get the OTHER Steve Smith" sweepstakes. Every league's got one.

Valhalla 9 votes, Mooby Mafia 1 (Winner: Mafia) (And no, I wasn't the one who voted for me. Heh.)
Salsa Shark 6, BRM 4 (Winner: Picante Clownfish)
Kirbdogs 6, GRH 4 (Winner: Kirbdogs)
SuicideSquad 7, CM 3 (Winner: CM)
Gutter's Tools 7, Lady Shark 3 (Winner: Gutter)
Mules 8, Lil' Poppa 2 (Winner: Mules)

For the season:

	Points
Justin	33
Jon	22
Kirby	22
Bill	21
Dave	10
Tim	9
Adam	6
Steve	1
Scott	-3
Amanda	-5
Mireya	-12
Jason	-32

Amanda, welcome to Negative Island. The next ferry leaves with Week 6's games.

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No Goods and Bads this week, since I'm behind enough already, and I had enough fun poking at Jon's wasted 50 points.

Week 6 has already passed, but I'll keep this one spoiler-free and run it like this: I had to face yet another winless team, and the standings got pretty congested. I'll cover that tomorrow...before I start on a 5-page history paper. Bleh.

I'll spare everyone the pity party...but that doesn't mean Big & Rich will.